


Picking Up The Pieces

by havokwreaker (wryandwatchful)



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Breathplay, Canon-Typical Violence, Choking, Come Swallowing, Coming Untouched, Drug Abuse, Emotional Sex, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Face-Fucking, Fix-It of Sorts, Guilt, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, Love Confessions, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Painplay, Past Abuse, Phase Five (Gorillaz), Physical Abuse, Porn With Plot, Psychological Trauma, Regret, Rough Sex, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unsafe Sex, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-09 03:37:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15258567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wryandwatchful/pseuds/havokwreaker
Summary: When Murdoc hears that 2D is doing fine without him- even writing and releasing a new album in his absence- the Satanist is forced to face the harsh truths of his actions. How can he fix things between the two of them when he can't even fix himself?





	1. That's Why I'm Calling You

**Author's Note:**

> This is an edited version of a fantastic RP that I've been working on with bluehorizon89 on Tumblr. 
> 
> Rated E for Abuse.....and porn.

 

 

Murdoc glanced at the clock as he waited for the man ahead of him to finish his phone conversation. It had been over a month since he'd been hauled off by Her Majesties boys in blue and thrown into this hellhole, and yet the bassist hadn't heard anything from his bandmates. No phone calls, no visits, and the only mail he'd received was a letter from his lawyer telling him they'd do “everything they could” to get him out. That had been weeks ago, he was going stir crazy not knowing what the band was getting up to in his absence. He had to know, and if they weren't going to contact _ him _ then he'd reach out to  _ them _ . 

The inmate ahead of him finished up, slamming the phone back on the receiver and shoving past Murdoc roughly. Oh he'd deal with that one later. First things first though. Trimmed black nails punched the numbers in one by one as he brought the phone to his ear, smelling the stale breath of the man who went before him still clinging to the plastic. “C’mon, c’mon pick it up already.” he muttered as the line continued to ring.

After a few rings, someone answered the call with a voice that could only belong to one person. "Hello?" Even though it was only one word, 2D sounded bolder, more confident and even slightly irritated at having his day interrupted by a phone call. Not that he was doing anything interesting, just lounging on the sofa with a box of chocolates and a nice cold beer.

The bassist felt something resembling panic threatening to claw its way through him at the younger man's tone. Something was off, he could practically _ hear _ the smugness in the other's voice. “Face-ache.” The spiteful nickname sounded like a question as it left Murdoc’s lips and he had to follow it with a menacing growl to cover his uneasiness. Already he could sense something was very different about the man on the other end of the line. 

"Oh, it's you." came the haughty reply, the sound of ice gently rattling against a glass was heard in the background. "Wot d'you want? I'm a busy man." It didn't sound like the same 2D at all. Murdoc's growl didn't seem to have any affect at all. "Is this about me not visitin'? I've been REALLY busy, Mudsy. Really busy. Just came back from Venice a couple 'o days ago, actually."

“Venice?!” The bassist practically shouted, earning a gruff bark of a warning from a nearby correctional officer. Murdoc pressed the phone closer to his ear, lowering his voice to a harsh whisper. “What in the name of sweet, bloody Satan were you doing in Italy?” His mind was reeling, the initial panic slowly ebbing away to be replaced with the familiar burn of rage. 

2D laughed at Murdoc's reaction. "Shootin' a new video, o' course! What, you think Gorillaz jus' stops because you're in prison?" He laughed again, seeming to relish in Murdoc being pissed off and not being able to do anything about it. "Tell you what," he drawled taking another sip of his drink, "I'm free tomorrow. How about I pop over there, hmm? Give you somethin' nicer to look at."

Murdoc had to bite his tongue to suppress the animalistic roar that was building in his chest. Not only had his bandmates not tried to contact him, but it sounded like they were doing just fine without him. “Oh you’ll be here, Dents.” he warned, cupping a hand to the mouthpiece so tightly that the plastic began crackling in protest.“Or I’ll break outta here and come find your worthless little arse, an’ beat you into a bloody fucking heap and burn the-” He was cut off by the sound of he C.O. walking over towards him, hand already unclipping the holster holding his taser. “Gotta go-” Murdoc quickly dropped the phone; cord catching it just before it hit the ground as he raised his hands and backed away from the officer. “Sorry, mate. Trouble with the missus, ya know?” He flashed a cocky grin and, sighing in relief as the guard let him leave the hall and return to his cell.

The next day, 2D was true to his word. He combed his hair, brushed his teeth and dressed up for the occasion - a lemon bandanna around his neck, a lilac vest and the booty shorts he wore from the “Humility” video. As a final touch, he put on some snazzy shades with orange-tinted lenses and grinned at himself in the mirror, liking what he saw. 

The prison was about an hour away so the singer made a quick stop for a take-away coffee, sipping it as he drove. Soon enough, he arrived at the prison gates and parked up outside. He looked quite the sight as he sauntered in holding a Starbucks coffee, turning quite a few heads of the guards. He was lead to a depressing looking visiting room where he was to wait for Murdoc. 2D looked around, somewhat uncomfortable being the only person in the room.

The muffled sound of leg and wrist shackles clinking echoed steadily down the hall, growing louder and louder until finally ceasing altogether in front of the visitation room. The double doors swung open, two guards flanking the bassist as he was ushered in and led towards the small table where his visitor sat.

As soon as he saw Stuart, Murdoc’s eyes widened almost comically. What the hell was he wearing? What happened to the baggy clothes that usually covered the younger man’s thin and bruised body? “So you actually showed. I'm bloody honored.” He mumbled, crossing his legs unconsciously as sat down across from the vocalist. After making sure his the cuffs were secure the guards moved back a respectful distance towards the door; well out of earshot. 

2D lowered his sunglasses at Murdoc, raising an eyebrow. "Holy shit...You've seen better days, ain't ya?" He took off his glasses and perched them on top of his head where they clashed horribly with his hair. "Well, I come bearing gifts." he smiled, pushing the half empty cup of coffee towards Murdoc. The boy put his elbows up on the table and laced his fingers together. "So, how have you been?"

Murdoc snatched up the beverage and took a grateful swig of the sweet nectar of life. The pleasure-filled purr he emitted sounded far too sexual for an act as simple as drinking coffee, but you'd be surprised what you miss in prison. A light blush formed on 2D's cheeks at the oddly orgasmic sounding noise and the singer cleared his throat and shifted a little bit in his seat.

Murdoc set the cup back on the table, wiping his mouth on one of his shoulder sleeves. “I’ve been fuckin’ miserable.” he growled. “I got thrown in here months ago, and not one o’ you lot seems to care. What's more, now you're off making new songs without me.” he fumed.

"Murdoc, you meet all these weird, shifty people; you make stupid deals with 'em and then you wonder why you get locked up." 2D looked Murdoc right in the eye as he continued. "Like I said, we can't jus' stop because you fucked up and ended up in here. That's your own fault." 

Murdoc leaned closer to the vocalist, his tone darkening with thinly veiled anger. “What’s going on here, Dents? You got somethin’ you wanna tell me?”

2D could almost feeling the daggers in his glare. "I-I don' know what you're talkin' about." He said quietly, averting his gaze and looking straight down at his hands.

‘There we go,’ Murdoc thought. There's the little spark of fear. The submissive bowing of the head, the stuttered speech. “I think you’ve forgotten your place in this band, Stu-pot.” Chains rattled faintly as Murdoc continued to press into 2D’s personal space, voice lowering another octave as he leaned even closer. “Don't think I don't notice. Look at you. Dressed like a proper tramp, grinning like the cat who's caught the canary.” The boy was clearly very uncomfortable with Murdoc getting so close and he actually leaned away a little bit as the older man spoke down to him.

"At least I look good in colour..." The boy muttered under his breath before speaking at normal volume again. "You're in here for a pretty serious charge." he glanced at the door, knowing the guard was on standby. "And you know what?" he began with a little smirk, that cocky attitude coming back again. "I think I've got  **plenty** og time to get used to my new place in the band." He patted Murdoc's hand and leaned in a little bit with that smart arse smirk still on his face. "And there's fuck all you can do about it..."

Tension hung in the air like cloying clouds of smoke. Black and red met pallid white and for a moment time seemed to stop. 2D had never,  **ever** spoken to Murdoc like that. In the back of his mind, the boy knew he had crossed the line, but at that moment he didn't care. A few months of not having Murdoc around to keep him on a tight leash had 2D's ego grow massively out of proportion. Murdoc had created a monster. For one foolish moment, 2D assumed he had put the bassist in his place. 

Without warning Murdoc clutched the sides of the table and shoved hard, quickly sliding it across the floor until the other side began to press into 2D’s chest. “You think you can just saunter in here, cut me out of the band and leave?” He pressed harder, glancing at the guards who still hadn't noticed the growing tension between the two. Murdoc continued to use the table as a battering ram, pinning Stuart against the wall with it.

2D grunted as his back hit the wall and hunched forwards when the edge of the table slammed into his chest constricting his breathing. He clawed at the table with a look of panic on his face, trying to call out for help and nothing coming out.

“D’you have any idea how difficult it was to track you down and get you sent to Plastic Beach?” Murdoc's eyes roamed 2D’s face, taking in the delicious panic. Ever the sadist he pressed harder, grinning darkly at the struggling boy. He'd missed this, the rush of adrenaline at having power over the vocalist thrilled some baser part of himself that he didn't wish to inspect. “The postage alone was murder.” He laughed, bending at the waist to get closer until he was practically breathing the same air that Stuart was being denied. “You have no idea how hard I worked to get the band this far; how hard I worked to keep you.” His voice threatened to catch in his throat, he hadn't meant for that last part to sound so intimate. 

The boy groaned as the hard edge of the table pressed even more against his rib cage, forcing the air out of his lungs bit by bit. 2D slowly raised his head to look up at Murdoc helplessly as he leaned closer, still trying to draw breath as he came within inches of his pale face. "M..Urdoc...P-Please..." he managed to mouth silently.

“See? Look at you.” He hissed. “Thinkin’ you could switch up our little game?” He bared his crooked teeth, feeling a shiver of delight when the vocalist begged him to stop, all teary-eyed and trembling. Before Murdoc could even contemplate what to do next he was knocked out of his chair as the two guards at the door finally noticed what the convict was doing and rushed over, tackling him to the ground.

The second Murdoc was knocked out of his chair 2D pushed the table away from his aching chest and took a huge intake of breath, coughing and wincing as his lungs burned. A third guard rushed in and led the singer to safety, 2D watching Murdoc over his shoulder. He was still in shock over what had just happened. Understandably, he was shaken after their brief reunion and sat in the car for a while to calm himself down before driving away, tires screeching as he zoomed down the road and as far from Murdoc as he could get.

 

 


	2. Incapable of Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things become a little more than tense between Murdoc and 2D when the bassist gets out of prison. Then a drunken moment turns everything on its head.

 

  Time dragged by after Stuart's visit. No one visited or called or wrote for _months_ ; especially not 2D. Murdoc didn't blame him though. The bassist knew he'd been a proper twat when the boy visited. It was just something about the confidence the singer gained in Murdoc's absence that set him on edge. The thought that 2D was better off without him frightened the bassist for reasons he couldn't quite grasp.

 Eventually it was discovered that Murdoc _had_ been set up, and in exchange for his cooperation in finding the criminal demon, El Mierda, he would be allowed “temporary release”. Temporary or not, freedom meant everything so of course Murdoc agreed to help. After all the paperwork was signed he was allowed to call someone to arrange a ride home. The man's gut churned as he punched in the familiar numbers of the singer’s cellphone.

 After the incident, 2D had completely purged Murdoc from his mind. He soon got over almost getting killed by a table and went about his life as if Murdoc never existed, still happy and overly cocky. He was making himself a ridiculously large sandwich when his phone started to ring. Taking his out of his pocket, he froze upon seeing the name of the caller. With extreme hesitation he pressed 'answer' and slowly brought the phone to his ear as if he were afraid it would explode. "...Hello?..."

 “Hey 2D….” Murdoc began, “Listen I'm getting out of here- and before you ask, no I'm not escaping,” He spoke quickly, almost terrified that the boy would just hang up on him after what'd happened a few weeks back. “I want you to come pick me up. I...I need to talk to you about something.” No matter what the vocalist said Murdoc had questions; ones that needed answering even if it meant examining a part of himself he’d rather keep hidden. And if they were in a car there would be less of a chance of violence on both their parts.

 2D listened and narrowed his eyes, very tempted to put the phone down on him. "I don't see why I should, after what happened." he said curtly, clearly still pissed off about the incident. "Look, I don't wanna talk to you right now-" He was about to pull the phone away from his ear and press the 'end call' button but stopped upon hearing Murdoc’s next words.

“Stuart…please.”

 2D's frown softened slightly at that. He of all people knew that Murdoc Niccals _never_ said please for anything. It meant that there was a chance for 2D to say no. Murdoc didn't react well to ‘no’. The boy was quiet on the other side of the phone for a bit before he sighed. "...I'll pick you up in an hour."

 Murdoc mumbled a quiet ‘thanks’ before hanging up and walking back to his cell to pack. It didn't take long to gather his belongings, after all the were no letters or gifts to bring along. Just magazine and newspaper clippings, along with a CD player with a single bootlegged disc inside.

 

“The Now Now.”

 

After giving the bird to several inmates and nearly inciting a riot, he was processed through and given his clothes, cellphone, lighter and wallet. He gratefully stripped out off his neon orange trappings and put on his monochromatic ones: a sleeveless rocker shirt, jeans, and his combat boots, all blacker than the darkest metal song you could name. He sat and waited at a bench outside the gates, chewing his lips and aching for a cigarette as he waited for that familiar black car.  
  
About 20 minutes later, the Stylo pulled up a little way away from where Murdoc was sitting. 2D sat behind the wheel and looked straight ahead, not once looking over at the bassist. His clothing was a bit more toned down this time; a striped green shirt with white jeans. Murdoc walked over to the car and threw his bag in the back, slamming the trunk closed a little more harshly than he would've liked. Taking a deep inhale he opened the passenger door and climbed in, moving slowly as if afraid to startle the other.

 Nothing was said by either man for the first half hour of the trip, both simply staring out the window and watching as the scenery of the city sped by. After a while Murdoc spoke up, nonchalantly digging a lighter out of his pocket. “Got a fag? Been dying for one all day.” He sniffed and straightened up a little in his seat.

Apologies would come later, right now he just needed to find common ground with the vocalist again.

 For the first time, 2D gave Murdoc a quick sidewards glance before returning his eyes to the road. "In the glove box." His voice was quiet and cold but he had least answered the bassist so that was a step forward. The sky was dark and it began to rain which suited the mood, weirdly enough.

Murdoc rifled through the compartment and retrieved the slightly crumpled cigarette pack. His long, slender fingers pulled out a loose one and brought it to his lips, lighting it with a quick flick of his lighter. The bassist inhaled the smoke deeply, letting the nicotine seep deep into his cells before exhaling the pale grey cloud. “So,” he began, cracking open the window to let the smoke out and dull chill of the rain in. “‘How’s the rest of the gang doing?”

2D’s expression softened some more and he became a bit more talkative. "Not too bad. Noodle's in California doing her modeling for a magazine, and Russ is visitin' his parents." He paused to activate the windscreen wipers. "Ace got on a plane this mornin' to go back to Townsville so the house is gonna be quiet for a while."

“Ah,” was the older man's only reply. The monosyllabic word sounded stilted as it left his lips. He didn't know why, but the thought of the two of them being alone together frightened him. Not that Murdoc was afraid of what 2D would do to him, the boy was much too slight to pose any _real_ physical threat. What the bassist was afraid of is what might be said between the two. Raw abused emotions and empty apologies clashing where no one could intervene if it turned violent. If _he_ turned violent. Murdoc took another drag and exhaled it through his nose like a medieval dragon. Keeping his gaze forward he held out the cigarette for the other to take.

2D seemed oblivious to the disturbing eventuality on Murdoc's mind and carefully took the cig before bringing it to his lips. "Cheers," he grunted, holding it between his teeth as they neared home. He puffed on it pensively, the smoke snaking past Murdoc like a serpent to be sucked out of the window. "...So...How've you been?"

Murdoc relaxed a little more in his seat. “Well at first it was real tough, you know? No money in my commissary account, so I had ta get some help from the fans.” He continued on animatedly about the web chat he'd had and how he rose to the top of the food chain after calling out Big Balls McGuiness and beating him to within an inch of his miserable existence. It had been easy street after that. “Oh yeah,” he bragged. “I ran it all for a while. Smuggling, trading, organizing the nightly stab fests- and not the kind with knives if you know what I mean.” he cackled.

2D looked at him quizzically. "No, I don't? Still, sounds like you were in your element." They turned the last bend that lead to their street and 2D pulled up on the curb just outside the house. He turned off the ignition and got out of the car, flicking the burnt out dog end of the cig away as he strode up to the house jangling his keys.

Murdoc retrieved his bag and slung it over his shoulder, moving to follow the singer to the door. “Not quite.” he mumbled as he kicked a stray rock off the sidewalk with the toe of his boot. The metallic jangling of 2D's keys sounded too much like handcuffs, and Murdoc could feel himself getting nervous.

Once they were inside the bassist let the strap of the bag slide off his shoulder as he dropped it to the floor in a heap. “Got any booze?” he half-way asked as he brushed past 2D towards the kitchen.

The boy locked the door and almost tripped over Murdoc's bag. Tutting, he moved it out of the way and followed him into the kitchen. "There should be a 12 pack in the fridge," he answered going to the larder for some cookies. 2D loved sweets and often kept a little stash of them up in his room.

Murdoc opened the fridge door and snatched up one of the amber bottles, popping the cap off easily with his thumb before taking a swig. It tasted like burning regret and he happily let himself drown in it until the bottle was empty. He wiped his mouth with the hem of his shirt and grabbed another bottle before kicking the fridge closed. “Still haven't given up the sweets, I see.”

2D was busy stuffing his face and looked up with crumbs down the front of his shirt. "Still haven't given up the **booze** , I see?" he retorted with a childish smirk before tossing him one.

“You kidding? Booze and fags are the only thing holding me together at this point.” He cackled, deftly catching the cookie before biting into it. The warmth that blossomed through him at the sight of 2D's smirk was quickly followed by a wave of guilt, causing his own grin to falter. He swallowed the mouthful of cookie dryly. The singer noticed this and tilted his head slightly like a dog trying to understand something.

"Are you alright?" Despite all the sick and twisted things Murdoc had done to him over the last ten years, 2D had kept his caring, gentle nature. That was one of the beautiful things about him. No matter how damaged he was physically, his soul was a bright beacon of hope and charity.

It sickened Murdoc; those hopeful black eyes, the slight crease in the singer's brow telling of his concern. He hated the blatant kindness and light he saw in that stare. He didn't deserve it…

Slowly, almost predatory he pushed away from the counter and stalked over to 2D. “Why?” he drawled, venom tingeing the word. “Why would you even care, huh?” His mind screamed at him to stop. To not fall back into this habit. Every step closer to 2D brought the familiar rush of something that _had_ to be **hate** as he curled his fist tighter around the beer.

"Murdoc..." 2D said quietly as he straightened himself to his full height, his eyes widening in confusion. "Wh...Why wouldn't I care?" He placed his large hands on the counter behind him, ready to push off and run should Murdoc go to attack him. One of his hands blindly felt an object behind him which he grasped as a means for defence.

“You know why.” The bassist growled, watching 2D shrink away and fumble around behind himself. When Murdoc continued to advance, 2D pulled the object out from behind his back and held it in front of him where they could both see what it was.

 

A knife.

 

" **Get. Back**." 2D said with a sudden sternness in his voice that even he was surprised at. He felt braver now that he had a weapon which only increased the growing tension in the room. "Don't you come near me, Murdoc. I mean it!"

The flash of the blade and the confident warning made Murdoc crack a manic grin. “There we go.” He took another step, inching closer the boy. “Feel that?” He asked. “That fear?” With a quiet growl he took another step and let the blade press dangerously against his ribcage. “Hold onto that.”

2D felt his blood run cold as the threat of a knife had absolutely no effect on Murdoc whatsoever. He spluttered for words as this 'demon' came closer still, his eyes reflecting the image of the approaching bassist. "N-No..." he whimpered little above a whisper, looking down sharply when he felt pressure against the blade of the knife, his face draining of colour. He felt sick. Was Murdoc actually _feeding_ off of his fear? Both he and the bassist knew it was still there, no matter how much the boy tried to cover it up.

Murdoc pressed in closer, eyelids fluttering shut as the tip of the blade pierced his shirt and made a shallow incision in his skin. This is what he deserved, he thought. Suffering, fear, hate. When he opened his eyes again, the pain that shone in them was deeper than physical. It was raw, exposed, and wild with an unknown emotion. “What’re you gonna do, Dents?” He breathed.

Murdoc actually allowed the blade to bite into his chest? The boy let out a sharp gasp of shock. "W-What're you doing?!" He had never felt so creeped out and disturbed in all his life. 2D swallowed hard, closing his eyes for a moment to try to keep himself together before placing his hand on Murdoc's chest to slowly push him back away from the blade. "You're mad...You're fucking insane!"

“O’course I am.”

The older man snatched up 2D’s wrist, gripping so hard he could hear the bones creak. 2D emitted a frightened shriek, wincing as a sharp pain shot down his arm. "Ah-ah-ah!! Fuck!" He dropped the knife which landed near their feet, and tried to pry Murdoc's clawed hand off of his wrist which felt like it was about to snap. The bassist had incredible strength.

“I'm yer worst fuckin nightmare,” Murdoc growled. His mind screamed at him to stop, to let go of the singer's wrist, but years of trauma and poor coping skills only made him grip tighter. “So, why?” He asked, eyes tracing every inch of 2D’s face. “Why don't you **hate** me?”

"I  **do**  hate you!" The singer yelled stomping the ball of his foot against the floor repeatedly to try to cope with the pain in his wrist. It wasn't true, however. He didn't hate the other man. Ever since they first met, 2D had always looked up to Murdoc even though he was an absolute bastard to him. Assuming that Murdoc _wanted_ him to say that he hated him, he did so in the hopes that he would back off.

It appeared to work though as Murdoc loosened his grasp and let 2D go. “‘S good.” he mumbled. Taking a few shaky steps back, the bassist brought his neglected beer back up to his lips and finished it off. Murdoc had practically ruined 2D’s life, and had abused him on numerous accounts. He didn't deserve pity from the singer, he didn't deserve anything but hate and fear. 2D needed to understand that. After draining the last dregs of the beer he spoke again. “You’re better off that way.”

2D doubled over when Murdoc finally let go, cradling his wrist to his chest and looking up at him like an abused dog. He didn't understand Murdoc's way of thinking. "I have the _decency_ to pick your sorry arse up from prison an' you almost break my wrist!" He began to storm out of the kitchen only to stop at the doorway to scowl at Murdoc over his shoulder. "I wish I'd left you there to rot!" Before Murdoc got a chance to get his hands on him again, 2D ran out of the kitchen and up the stairs to the safety of his room, slamming the door behind him.

The sound of shattering glass echoed through the vacant flat as Murdoc hurled his empty beer against the nearest wall.

“ **RrraaAAHH, FUCK!!** ” he fumed and paced the kitchen floor, running a shaking hand through his hair. What the fuck?! Why did he do that? 2D finally seemed to be coming back around and he had to go and ruin it with his own bullshit hangups. Why couldn't he just be a regular guy for once and not ruin everything? Murdoc cursed again and stormed over to the fridge, grabbing another beer. “Fuck it.” he growled and scooped the remaining beers into his arms, kicking the door closed with a satisfying slam. The next hour he spent drinking on the couch, listening to his CD player on repeat until he began singing along drunkenly.

 

2D heard the sound of glass smashing on something and for a moment debated on going to investigate. He shook his head angrily before seeing to his wrist which had a nasty bruise forming from where the bassist had squeezed it so hard. Why should he care? Murdoc was and always would be a selfish pig who probably wouldn't bat an eyelid if 2D had injured himself. He opened his bedroom door and poked his head out to look both ways as if he was about to cross a road. The coast was clear.

2D entered the bathroom and put his wrist under the cold tap to reduce the swelling before getting a bandage out of the cabinet. He didn't want to give Murdoc the satisfaction of seeing how much he hurt him. He would probably get a sick sense of dominance and that was the last thing 2D needed after life had been so pleasant without him. He paused as he thought he heard the sound of music. Frowning slightly, he stood at the top of the stairs to listen and was surprised when he actually heard Murdoc singing.

The older man's voice was deep and thick with emotion at each passing lyric. “...if all you ever get from this sonnet is the count of the fallen man...” Throwing his head back, he chased the pain with another swig of alcohol, closing his eyes and humming the tune through the mouthful. With his headphones on he couldn't hear anything around him, completely immersed in the rolling tide of the music as it carried him along. He’d listened to the Now Now album on repeat since the day he'd received the bootleg disc, every song now etched into his soul along with a burning question. A question Murdoc had been too afraid to ask when he'd had the opportunity. “You were in the kind of game that put the force in me,” How could he have been so cruel to the boy? What was he afraid of? “I was ever chasing fireflies.”

Murdoc actually had a decent voice and 2D couldn't help but creep down the stairs to hear more. It was strange and actually a bit touching to hear him singing such a sad heartfelt song. 2D tried not to get too enthused about it, though. A lot of people sung songs when they were drunk and that was another factor. Murdoc was drunk. Had he been sober, 2D would have more than likely taken this situation more seriously. He sat down on the bottom step of the stairs wanting to stay out of sight in case Murdoc threw a bottle at him for eavesdropping.

Oblivious to his audience of one, Murdoc continued singing along. Memories of the past danced wickedly behind his closed eyes, playing out his past in vivid detail. Abuse from his childhood, both physical and emotional. The taunting laughter of his father as he forced him along on whatever lucrative venture the fiend could think of. The way _he himself_ had become everything he hated in his father, unleashing the same abuse on Stuart even before the man could fend for himself. “...I got drunk, I'm sorry,” He held his beer closer, voice becoming tight; strained, like he was choking. Tears began to well in the corners of the bassist’s mismatched eyes. “...am I losing you?”

The singer's head slowly appeared around the door to the living room, a curious expression on his face. His eyebrows lifted when he actually saw that Murdoc was on the verge of tears. It was practically a given that drunk people experienced high emotions and 2D was well aware of that. He turned to leave, knowing that he shouldn't care, but hearing Murdoc's voice start to break made him stop. 2D bit his lip and looked back at him. Murdoc was a nasty, evil person but he was still a person in the end. Slowly, 2D extended a skinny arm and gently placed his hand on Murdoc's shoulder.

The bassist gave a start, hand immediately flying up to grab the offending limb in a tight grip. His head tilted further back against the couch as he opened his eyes, looking up at 2D with such intensity that he felt the boy’s pulse quicken under his thumb. The other hand came up to tug the headphones down around his neck, music faintly echoing against the hollow of his throat. “Stuart?” The name was whispered, like Murdoc wasn't sure if the vocalist was real and he was afraid to shatter the illusion. The younger man’s pulse continued to hammer under Murdoc's grip as the bassist’s eyes went from searching the other's face to trace down the length of his arm where the bandage was wrapped. His heart sank in his chest. Here was more proof of the cruelty he harbored inside.

2D flinched when Murdoc suddenly gripped onto his arm, unable to hide the look of shock and pain on his face. But he didn't try to pull away. It felt like an eternity how long Murdoc held onto him, looking over his soft features and down at his bandaged arm. 2D could hear his own heartbeat in his ears and feel it in his hand quite strongly where Murdoc was practically stopping the blood from flowing. For the first time, he could actually see some sort of compassion and even guilt in the older man's eyes.

Murdoc tried to speak- to apologize to 2D, to curse himself for being so heartless, but the only sound that left his lips was a breathless sob as he finally collapsed under it all. 2D watched in stunned silence as Murdoc broke down in front of him and felt his own heart ache. Cautiously, he stepped around so that he was standing in front of Murdoc and knelt down before pulling him into a tight hug.

Another sob tore itself from the bassists chest as 2D embraced him, thin arms folding around him like he was someone worth caring for. “D-don’t,” Trembling hands came up to weakly paw at the fabric of the other’s shirt. “Please.” Murdoc tried to will himself to push the boy away, but the alcohol slowed his movements, every muscle feeling like it was moving underwater. Panicked and desperate to hide the raw emotions he’d laid bare, Murdoc buried his face in 2D’s shoulder. Fresh tears soaked the fabric as the bassist shook in the younger man's arms. “I don't deserve it.” He gasped, hot breath ghosting against 2D’s collarbone. “I don't.”

The boy only tightened his hold on him when he felt Murdoc grasping his shirt, ignoring the older man's protests and hooked his chin over Murdoc's shoulder. He remained silent and ran his hand gently up and down Murdoc's spine, blinking back his own tears that welled in his damaged eyes. Never in his life had he seen Murdoc Niccals- the man with a devil-may-care attitude, a superiority complex, and a sharp tongue that could put anyone in their place, reduced to a pitiful sobbing state. He was like a frightened child. "...Sssshhhh....Don't talk like that..." he said finally, his voice cracking with  emotion. "You deserve it more than anyone..."

“No...” Murdoc growled. It couldn't be true. Everything bad that had ever happened to 2D had been by his hand. Images of the singer bloodied and bruised flitted past his eyes, fresh guilt rolling in behind it. “I've hurt you…” His fingers dug for purchase against the boy’s thin frame.

"DON'T, Murdoc!" 2D said with a uncharacteristic firmness to his voice. He pulled away and grabbed the other by the shoulders, tears rolling down his pale face. "That doesn't mean that you aren't worthy of love!" He turned to wipe his eyes on his shoulder before staring back at him with a pained determination on his face. "It's not gonna go down like that."

Murdoc grit his teeth around another harsh gasp. Glassy, red-rimmed eyes searched the singer's face. “Love.” he repeated the word. It sounded foreign in his ears, like some lost Latin dialect better lost to time. “I don’t think I know how to love….” He slowly brought a hand up to cup 2D’s jaw, thumb sliding down to brush across the singer's pulse point. “...without hurting.” The admission drew a fresh bought of tears along with it.

2D instinctively tensed when Murdoc touched his face, his pulse rapidly racing under Murdoc's thumb. The bassist's touch had only ever brought him pain and that's what he had learned to expect. He swallowed and closed his eyes briefly, not used to this much gentler side of the older man. "Then let me show you how to do it properly." The boy leaned forwards slowly, his sweet breath lightly hitting Murdoc's face as his breathing quickened from what he was about to do. 2D leaned closer and closer the light scent of butterscotch still present on him after all these years. The other could almost feel the heat emanating from his blushing cheeks as he very lightly pressed his lips against Murdoc's in a sweet and innocent kiss.

Time seemed to slow down as Murdoc watched the singer come closer. He could feel his own heart hammering a staccato beat in his chest and wondered briefly if the younger man could hear it too. ‘Too close,’ his mind screamed as 2D face became all he could see. The pale skin, the black, frightened eyes that faded to white in a blatant emotional spike before slipping closed as their lips connected. It was barely what you'd imagine a kiss between the two clashing personalities to be like. It was as though they were teenagers, experiencing their first moments of intimacy; slow, soft, unsure presses of nervous mouths. Murdoc's hands fell to his sides, afraid to move lest he hurt the boy as he drank in the kiss.

It felt like Stuart's first kiss all over again. He had done this many times before with women, why was this time so difficult? 2D kept his eyes closed, a little bit embarrassed to open them, expecting to see Murdoc looking angry or horrified. He could feel the sharp ends of Murdoc's stubble against his soft lips but he paid it no mind. 2D didn't want it to last too long and lose it's purity, so after a few lingering seconds he gently pulled away, panting slightly and opening his eyes. "...I-I'm sorry." he looked away from Murdoc with a look of shame and embarrassment on his face. "I should've asked you first, I...I-I'd better go." He quickly stood up and moved to leave the room keeping his head low.

“Wait…” Murdoc slurred, trying to push himself off of the couch. Once he got his feet under him he tried to reach for the withdrawing singer. “Stuart, don't-" His head was swimming. Alcohol and unknown emotions blurring his sight. Before he could reach the boy he managed to trip over his own unsteady feet and crash to the floor in an unceremonious lump. As his vision began to darken around the edges, unconsciousness threatening to take him, he could hear the faint sound of his CD player trickling out of the headphones around his neck.

 

‘I will always think about you~.’

  
2D practically flew up the stairs, taking them three at a time and shut himself away in his room. He pressed his back against the door and slid down it, tears blurring his vision. God, he felt like such a fool. He had kissed his best friend without even considering if Murdoc wanted it. He moved his knees up to his chest and gripped tufts of his hair, tormented by what he had done. He felt so confused. For the longest time, he thought Murdoc had been put on this earth to make his life a living hell, spreading pain and misery wherever he went. Yet there he was in the living room acting like a totally different person. He had shown actual remorse for what he had done to 2D. The vocalist bowed his head and wept feeling lost, embarrassed and very confused.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos! Im glad you're all enjoying this as much as bluehorizon and I are. Next chapter contains smut! Look for it next week!


	3. Do You Dance Like This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning after the two bandmates "indescretion" and all Murdoc wants is to forget. An awkward situation puts them both in some hot water and memories of the previous night begin to resurface.

 

 

Sunlight filtered into the living room through the blinds, the slats of light inching their way across the room’s interior as the sun continued to rise steadily over the horizon. Once the warm beams began to drift across his face, however, Murdoc begrudgingly cracked open an eye. For a brief moment he felt a wave of panic jolt through him.  

This wasn't his cell. This wasn't Wormwood Scrubs. Images of the previous day passed through his mind like an amateur film as he slowly tried to process where he was.

 Propping himself up on shaky elbows as he brought his knees up under him, the bassist managed to get to his feet. Sweet Satan, his head was killing him. The hangover was enough to remind him of last night's conflict and the inebriation that followed, but the rest of the evening was a confusing blur. Maybe coffee would help clear the fog over his brain, he thought as he trudged downstairs to the kitchen to make a fresh pot. He leaned against the counter while the coffee brewed, guiltily nudging a shard of glass with his toe. They had argued, and Murdoc lashed out.

 

Shit.

 

2D always got up at 9:00 a.m. like clockwork. However, on this particular morning he appeared to be deliberately staying up in his room to avoid the bassist as the clock in the kitchen read 10:30 a.m.. During the night 2D had moved to his bed, and despite having nicer sleeping conditions than Murdoc, he hadn't slept very well. For the last hour and a half, he’d sat on the edge of his bed, already dressed, waiting to hear Murdoc's footsteps coming up the stairs to his own dark, dank bedroom. 2D had never set foot inside of said room so he had no idea of what lie therein.

2D's stomach growled painfully for food, making him groan and run his hand over it. Finally getting to his feet, he trudged to his door and opened it before creeping along the hall to the top of the stairs. He couldn't face Murdoc after what happened yesterday, his cheeks starting to burn just by thinking about it. Slowly, he descended the stairs, his belly growling angrily with every step. When he was almost at the bottom step he paused to listen for any signs of life. Maybe Murdoc had gone out? Feeling a bit more confident, he crept into the kitchen like a stealthy ninja but immediately froze when he saw the bassist.

Murdoc had his back turned when 2D entered, too busy _destroying_ his cup of coffee with loads of sugar cubes to cut the acrid taste. After deeming it “Eh,good enough,” he brought the mug to his lips and turned around, immediately sputtering around the hot mouthful when he saw the singer standing in the doorway. Then came another dizzying rush of memories from the previous evening. He had cried, 2D had held him, and then…

 

Oh **SHIT**.

 

“M-mornin’.” Murdoc mumbled sheepishly, wiping at his damp shirtfront with the hem of said shirt, only succeding in spreading the staining liquid around.

2D licked his lips, his mouth suddenly very dry. He cleared his throat and tried to act casual as he made his way to the cupboard to get a box of cereal. "Morning.” He said curtly. 2D grabbed a bowl noisily from the cupboard and tipped the cereal box, its contents tumbling out and filling the bowl _way_ too much so that it over flowed and spilled onto the counter and floor.

 

The situation couldn't have been more awkward.

 

2D lifted his shaking hand and took a steady breath, closing his eyes for a few seconds to find his 'zen'. "You er...Sleep well?" he asked with his back facing Murdoc, wishing the ground would open up and swallow him whole.

“Uhm...yeah I suppose.” The older man mumbled, watching 2D’s every move like a hawk inspecting its prey. It had actually happened then, if the singer's stilted body language was anything to go by. The two men _had_ kissed last night; and it wasn't been just any old snog, either. There had been a spark- an electricity, an ever so slight tug at the sleeves of what the Satanist could barely recall as a heart.

Something akin to affection flooded through him as 2D poured too much cereal, the overflow of dry grain plinking onto the counter almost comically. He felt the impulse to berate the singer over the mess, maybe even bury his face in it like a dog who'd pissed on the rug. Those fleeting thoughts of abuse scared him even more than the kiss had. Murdoc wanted to talk about it- needed to, but the fear and ‘what if’s’ combined with a hangover straight from hell forced him to keep his mouth shut and continue to sip at his heavily sugared coffee.

2D took another steady breath and turned to face Murdoc, his cheeks the most darling shade of red. He couldn't ignore the very large elephant in the room any longer. "Look, Murdoc..." he sighed, running a sweating hand through his hair. "About last night...I-I shouldn't've done what I did..." He hung his head, looking ashamed of himself. "You were just so upset, and...and I was just tryin' to..." 2D trailed off wondering if what he was saying was even making sense. He sighed and looked up at Murdoc with a doleful look in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

Murdoc felt his heart sink. “Oh...right.” So 2D regretted the kiss. ‘Of course he regrets it,’ a darker part of the bassists mind wheedled. Murdoc's eyes roamed over the singer, taking in the mussed hair and nervous blush creeping up the boy's neck. A heavy twinge of desire shot through him at the sight. Eager to save face in front of the boy, Murdoc barked an awkward laugh. “S’fine.” He said, avoiding 2D’s gaze. “Not like it's the  _first_ time I've kissed a bloke.” he blurted out, instantly regretting it.

His face blanched and he quickly set down his coffee. 2D raised his eyebrows a little bit, the cute blush on his face deepening. The bassist muttered something about still being drunk and quickly exited the kitchen, rushing up the stairs to the bathroom and calling out over his shoulder that he was going to shower.  

2D's heart palpitated. He had been meaning to have a shower this week and today was going to be a warm day. What could be more refreshing? "Oh, Murdoc?" he called, hurrying up the stairs to catch up to the man. He gave a small embarrassed laugh and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I was gonna have a shower myself today but if we have 'em separately, one of us will have to wait for the water pressure to go up again." He flicked some hair out of his eyes and suddenly flailed his arms as he nearly toppled down the stairs. He cleared his throat and tried to play it off like that didn't just happen. "Would you erm...Mind if we shared the water?"

‘Oh shit oh shit oh shit-’ The bassist’s mind screamed. “Sure.” is what came out of his mouth instead, a dark blush threatening to claw its way across his green skin. He entered the bathroom, an outstretched hand fumbling for the light switch. Fluorescent bulbs hummed to life and bathed the room in soft, pale light. He could practically hear his heartbeat hammering in his chest as the door click closed behind 2D, successfully trapping Murdoc in a situation he was definitely not prepared for.

For a moment they just stood there awkwardly, 2D casting the odd look at Murdoc and quickly diverting his eyes elsewhere when he met his gaze. He could tell Murdoc felt as uncomfortable as he did, and in a strange way it made the vocalist start to feel a bit of confidence. "Right..." he said, tugging up the bottom of his shirt and pulling it up and over his head. Murdoc watched with rapt attention, every inch of flesh revealed only intensifying the building feeling of dread growing inside the bassist. 2D’s body had a chance to heal from the usual cuts and bruises it received on a regular basis from the older man and it looked so pure, so ethereal without its usual marring;further condemning the man's actions.

2D had been shirtless in front of Murdoc plenty of times so this was child's play to the younger man. His shirt dropped to the floor and he looked down at his belt buckle. He hovered his hands over it, a bit more reluctant to move on to his trousers. In an attempt to make it a bit easier on them both, he opted for some small talk. "So...Did you have to shower all together in prison?"

Murdoc was thankful for the change in conversation. “Of course,” He barked, averting his eyes from the singer as he shrugged his own shirt off and dropped it on the tile. “No privacy in the pen, Dents.” As if to accentuate his point he began to undo the fly of his jeans, feigning more confidence than he was actually feeling.  

2D debated turning around to conceal himself as he unbuckled his own belt but there wasn't much point. They were inevitably going to see each other naked once they set foot into the actual shower. Plucking up courage from God knows where, 2D unbuckled his belt and unfastened his jeans, letting them slide down to his feet before stepping out of them to expose his light blue underwear. He found himself chuckling a little bit from Murdoc's response. "Since when have you ever been worried about privacy?"

Murdoc flashed a cheeky grin at the singer and removed his own jeans, a red pair of slightly too-tight underwear standing in stark contrast to his verdant skin. “A little hard to have a proper wank without it.” He crooned, enjoying the easy (if not somewhat tentative) calm between the two. “Not that there was much ‘material’ for that sort of thing.”

He could do this. It was just a shower. So what if 2D regretted the kiss? That didn't mean they couldn't still try to be friends again. Murdoc hooked his thumbs into the elastic at his waist and slid the last scant article of clothing down and off his legs, discarding it in a pile with the others as he revealed his impressive ‘equipment’.

It could be hard to tell what 2D was looking at sometimes due to the blackness of his eyes. He was looking at Murdoc as he spoke with a silly smile on his face. For all the bassist knew, he could have been staring at his crotch.

 

And he was.

 

2D used this to his advantage and got a really good look at Murdoc's package, his cheeks going bright red when Murdoc revealed all. The singer looked down at his own underwear and slipped them off, nudging them towards his other clothes. 2D's package was certainly unique. It had a delicate pink head and a growth of blue hair covering his sack and a little way up his happy trail. It wasn't quite as big as Murdoc's, but it was quite the sight. Why did he feel so embarrassed? Murdoc had probably seen loads of dicks in prison, what was one more? "Oh, I'm sure you found a way." he chuckled trying to mask his embarrassment with humour as he reached over to turn on the shower and adjust the temperature.

A thick cloud of steam began to rise from the shower and Murdoc could feel his own temperature rising along with it. “Oh I did,” he hummed, trying to hide the fact that he was staring directly at 2D’s ass. Images of the tight shorts he'd worn to the visitation streaked across his mind. Oh he had found a way to get off all right, as well as the right material for it. His dick gave a twitch of interest between his legs as he recalled the evening after 2D had visited. Late at night back in his cell he’d furiously worked himself to completion to the mental image of those fucking booty shorts, orgasm hitting so hard that he'd screamed, terrifying himself and the rest of the cell block’s sleeping inmates in the process. Murdoc shook his head as if to dislodge the memory from his brain and quickly brushed past the singer to stand under the spray, hoping the other hadn't noticed the steadily growing interest he was sporting.

2D happened to start humming the tune to “Humility” as he stepped in the shower and sighed in satisfaction as the water hit his skin, his hair going a darker shade of azure as it became wet. He closed his eyes and just stood there for a moment, enjoying the warm embrace of the water. "You ever been roller skating?" he asked opening his eyes and reaching for some shampoo, his question strangely coinciding with what Murdoc was thinking.

The older man couldn't take his eyes off of the bluenette, his eyes tracking each bead of water as it coursed down the boy’s neck and chest. He remembered the times he'd sink his teeth into the soft flesh there to mark him in rage and dominance; inflicting him deep with fear and shame. Right now his jaw ached to bite for other, more _intimate_ reasons. “What, me on skates?” He huffed a laugh to cover his unease.

2D's eyes widened quickly, feeling a pair of rough hands against his slender waist. Murdoc turned them both so that the older man could have a turn under the spray while the other lathered up. "O-Oh, sorry!" 2D said with a weak chuckle. Murdoc tilted his head back and sighed contentedly as the water worked (most) of the tension from his muscles. "I'll have to teach you one day." The singer said, not dropping the subject as he massaged the shampoo into his hair. "S'not 'as 'ard as people fink, actually. It's all abou' rythm.”

He lathered the cherry blossom and orange scented shampoo into a thick bubbly froth before stepping forward and placing his hands on Murdoc's shoulders to gently guide him aside. "S'cuse me for a sec..." He ran his hands through his hair as the bubbles melted down his back and the juicy curves of his butt cheeks, giving it a tempting shine.

Murdoc hummed in amusement as he was moved and grabbed the bottle of shampoo, filling his palm with a small portion of the substance before carding it through his hair and working it into a foam. He liked it when 2D spoke about things he was passionate about. The way his black eyes would lighten ever so slightly, sometimes even going fully white with emotion if the subject was important enough. Murdoc loved that about the boy…

 

**Loved**

 

The large damning word was like a wrench being thrown into the gears of the bassist's brain. Another flash of the previous evening assaulted his mind, this time of a tearful 2D shouting at him.

_‘That doesn't mean you aren't worthy of love!’_

Murdoc's hands dropped to his sides, shower rituals forgotten as he stared at the singer now rinsing off. His eyes traced the body in front of him, gaze lingering at the younger man’s plump rear. The heady thrum of arousal that swept over the Satanist had him choking back a groan, quickly covering it with a growl of “Damn soap in my eye.”

2D looked back at Murdoc over his shoulder, his pretty blue hair now plastered to the sides of his face, eyes wide with concern. "You alright?" Being a caring soul, he stepped out from under the warm spray to investigate. "Want me to look for you?" he asked, not giving Murdoc a chance to say 'no' as his hands reached out to gently hold the sides of his head. They were _very_ close as 2D leaned in to examine Murdoc's left eye for any signs of soap, his breathing slow and relaxed. His eyes were so dark, it was impossible to see his actual iris that darted around like a hockey puck on an ice rink.

Murdoc could feel the contrast in temperature where 2D touched him, cool fingers pressing against the bassist's hot skin. Sweet Satan, he was too close to the boy's face. Mismatched eyes flicked back and forth between Stuart's own obsidian ones and the lips that were just close enough to be teasing. In a twist of karmic justice, just as Murdoc was about to give in and just kiss the man, a stray bit of soap _did_ enter his eye.

“ **Fuckin’ hell**!” he yowled. The burning pain caused his eyes to shut reflexively and he fumbled blindly towards the spray, unintentionally caging 2D between himself and the cold tile of the shower wall as he pressed his hands against it. The boy grunted as the back of his head thudded dully against the tiles and looked to either side of his head, seeing Murdoc's hands on each side. His breath hitched in his chest as he stood helplessly sandwiched between Murdoc and the cold shower wall. "..." 2D didn't do subtlety and lowered his head to look down at Murdoc's dick before raising his eyes slowly up his body, an adorable blush appearing on his cheeks.

Murdoc’s head was tilted back, eyes blinking furiously through the hot water in the hope the irritant would wash out. “Goddamn rubbish soap…” he growled.

After a few agonizing moments of pain he felt the burning subside, a relieved moan rumbling deep in his chest. He hung his head and pulled a hand from the wall to finish rinsing his hair, oblivious to the fact that 2D wasn't behind him in the shower but actually inches away from him. The soap suds tracked down Murdoc's body in thin rivulets, tracing the lines of his abdomen to his barely-there beer gut before sliding down his legs and towards the drain; some stray bubbles gathering in the thatch of hair above his cock.

When he moved to place his hand back against the wall he was met with warm, wet skin rather than cool tile. The bassist's eyes flew open, widening as the first thing he saw was 2D’s feet between his own followed by the boy's dick dangerously close to his. Murdoc looked up at 2D, a dull burn beginning to build in his abdomen at the sight and an definite interest stirring between his legs.

  
2D didn't move. He couldn't move. He just stood there, staring at Murdoc's body, silently admiring it's build and the way the bubbles ran down over his pectorals all the way down to his- 2D snapped himself out of his very obvious trance and looked Murdoc right in the eye, a little smile playing on his lips. He had never actually had a gay experience before and even though he was attracted to Murdoc, he saw this incident as something innocent which just went to show how dense he could be. "You alright, mate?" he asked in that thick cockney accent, that adorable smile still on his face.

Murdoc, on the other hand, had quite the repertoire of man-on-man experiences. Not that he was gay, more like ‘any hole’s a goal’ and ‘whatever walks on two legs, fuck it’. Not that he wouldn't bed an amputee, but that was getting on to another line of questioning altogether. Right now every fibre of his being screamed at him to take what he wanted from the vocalist. To grab and fuck and bite, claiming the man wholly as his, but memories of last night diluted the bloodlust that had begun to build. Slowly, almost cautiously he leaned in towards the boy, searching his flushed face for any sign of dissent before lightly pressing a kiss to the smirking lips. It was every bit as gentle and unsure as the first. This time, however, with no alcohol to muddy the bassist's senses it was twice as electric.

2D's eyes widened a little bit as Murdoc leaned closer, becoming full black circles as his lips were captured in a  gentle kiss. The hair on the back of his neck bristled, his heart rate rapidly increasing to the point where it felt like it was humming. The whole world seemed to slow down, the water droplets from the shower sounding like echoing thunder as they hit the floor and burst. The boy's eyelids slowly drooped shut as he leaned forwards against Murdoc's lips, feeling the other's rough stubble against his soft skin. The softest of moans escaped his lips, muffled by the bassist's mouth as 2D relaxed and practically melted against him.

Murdoc allowed himself a small smirk and closed his eyes as well. For a moment he just revelled in the feeling of the singer's lips pressed to his again. Sweet, intoxicating, tasting of butterscotch and cigarettes where the bassist swiped his tongue, a predatory growl rumbling in his chest as he swallowed the quiet moan 2D let slip. Murdoc's blood was liquid fire coursing through his veins. Frantic hands clutched at the boy’s sides, fingers aching to bruise and claw at the flawless pale flesh. ‘Slowly, softly, gently,’ was the mantra repeating in his mind.  
  
The young man slid his hands up Murdoc's chest in a slow, yet fluid movement to softly squeeze the bassist's shoulders. He could almost feel the deep growl that came from Murdoc vibrate through his own chest, making his semi-hard cock twitch in interest. 2D had always found Murdoc's growls and grunts to be sexy.

Scary, but sexy.

  
By nature, 2D had a much gentler approach to romance and relationships, so he knew how difficult it was for Murdoc to restrain himself as hands felt at his slender waist. 2D tilted his head a little bit with a groan to deepen their kiss, his eyes fluttering open to gaze at the man amorously as he slid his hands around the back of Murdoc's neck, beginning to press himself against him.

Murdoc was able to feel just how much the singer was enjoying this, arousal pressing hot and heavy against the dip of his thigh. The bassist gasped into 2D’s mouth when their members brushed each other, choking back an undignified moan as he grew even harder against him. Firm hands rocked 2D’s hips forward, grinding their erections together as he pulled away from the kiss to lick at the boy's lips. Fiery, damning pleasure coursed through his body, eyes blinking open through the falling water to lock eyes with the younger man. “Dents…” he breathed. The nickname sounded wrong on his lips, but saying the boy's real name at this point felt far too intimate for the bassist's comfort.

The boy seemed to feel it too and simultaneously took a sharp intake of breath as the heads of their cocks touched each other sending a strong ripple through every single nerve. It only intensified when the other moved his hips back and forth to firmly rub their dicks together. "Hh-Ahh!" 2D's breathing became ragged and uneven, lifting his gaze to meet Murdoc's with his manhood now painfully erect. "...K-Kiss me..." he begged, leaning in and pressing his lips once more against the bassist's, slipping his short tongue into his mouth to explore.

Murdoc moaned around the probing digit, flicking his long tongue against it and growling pleasantly at the taste. “You taste so sweet,” he purred before crashing their lips together again. 2D shivered as their tongues met, the bassist's tongue clearly more agile and 'acrobatic' than his own. He knew his own mouth probably tasted like alcohol and sugared coffee, but the boy was appearing to enjoy it, if the cock currently rutting against his was anything to go by. ‘Softly, slowly.’ Murdoc's mind echoed.

Reluctantly the bassist pulled away from the singer's lips, quickly moving to shut off the torrent of water before stepping out of the shower. The boy looked utterly aghast as Murdoc pulled himself away and took a step towards the bassist as if he needed him to live. The raven-haired man retrieved a large plush towel from the rack on the wall and quickly dried himself off before looking back over his shoulder at 2D. A deep groan escaped him at the sight. The boy looked thoroughly debauched- azure hair plastered to his face, kiss-swollen lips begging to be ravaged, and the most beautiful cock straining between his thighs. Murdoc opened the towel wide and beckoned for the boy to walk into his arms. “C’mere.”

2D stared longingly at the man as he picked up a large towel, biting his lip hard as he took all of him in. His legs felt like jello as Murdoc called for him to come to him, his arms spread wide looking like a weird sugar glider.

Oh, he didn't walk to him, oh no, he _ran_...

Well, he _actually_ stumbled over his clothes and tripped once or twice but he made it to him with great eagerness none-the-less, crashing his body into Murdoc's and tightly wrapping his arms around him.

The bassist grinned at the boy’s eagerness, folding his arms around him in a tight embrace despite becoming newly soaked. He nuzzled at the side of 2D’s neck before reconnecting their lips, kissing him deeply as the older of the two worked to dry the singer off in the most teasing way possible. Feather-light sweeps over pink nipples, rough friction over the swell of his ass and just the ghost of a hand at his cock, hidden tauntingly by the fabric of the towel. "Hahhh...Fuck.." the younger man groaned, biting his lip, unable to stop the pent up moans of arousal he had felt for Murdoc for so long. The Satanist felt like he could come just from the sounds alone, drinking in the quiet noises he was pulling from the boy. He swore he'd never been so aroused in his life, every brush of skin against his sent electric waves of pleasure coursing through his body. Murdoc never wanted it to end.

“Bedroom?” he purred after deeming them both sufficiently dry.

"Oooh...You're so cruel..." 2D whined, feeling a bit light headed from where most of his blood was rushing to. With a smirk Murdoc took 2D’s hand in his and led the singer out of the bathroom and down the hall not even bothering to cover himself as they walked the short distance to his bedroom. Although the bassist never allowed the other band members inside his room, he'd make an exception for 2D if it meant getting to fuck the frontman sooner.

The seemingly infinite expanse of the bassist's room was revealed to be a trick of the light- or rather lack thereof- once Murdoc flipped on the single source of brightness, a wall-mounted L.E.D cross that hung upside down. The walls had been painted in what Murdoc called ‘the blackest black times infinity’, also known as vantablack. In reality the room was the same size as 2D’s - albeit messier, with laundry and liquor bottles littering most of the panel wood floor. His bass guitar, el Diablo, rested regally against the wall just within arms reach of the amp that sat nearby.

The young man keenly followed Murdoc, tripping over himself in his eagerness to keep up with him. He felt quite privileged to actually be invited into Murdoc's room having always been curious of what it looked like inside. Luckily he wasn't disappointed at all when they set foot inside. His jaw dropped and he looked around taking every little thing in. From the big glowing cross on his wall to the little knick-knacks on his dresser, everything was pure 'Murdoc'. And the BED! It looked so comfortable and inviting and felt so nice against his skin when the older man pulled him towards it, the sheets just brushing his knees.

A wave of panic hit the bassist. Was this really about to happen? What's more, would he be able to control himself and not instinctively hurt the younger man? “You sure about this, 2D?” He offered the boy one last chance to end this, whatever ‘this’ was.

In Stuart’s mind, he was expecting Murdoc to be dominant- all rough and 'bitey'. He was kind of used to that from all the beatings he'd gotten from the man numerous times in the past, so he wasn't too worried. "O course!" he answered immediately, looking at Murdoc like he was insane. "Why wouldn't I be?" The singer gave a small chuckle and locked eyes with the other, his words dripping with lust. "I've waited over 10 years for this..."

Murdoc crashed their lips together at that, 2D quick on the draw to kiss him back just as fiercely as they fell against the bed. The bassist quickly threw a leg over 2D's and climbed on top, gazing down at him with lust-blown pupils. “I wanted you since the day I crashed into that bloody store...” He breathed, fighting the wave of guilt that threatened to wash over him at the memory. How much better off would Stuart have been if it hadn't been for the satanists actions? For a moment he just gazed at the singer beneath him, taking in the enthralling sight. “And every day since.” He leaned down to kiss the boy, resting on his elbows as he rocked their bodies together again. A shudder wracked his frame when their lengths ground against each other, his foreskin sliding pleasurably down to expose the flushed pink skin of the head.

2D’s gaze was wild with lust and excitement as the older man eyed him like a vulture. "You..What..Really?" stuttered the singer, unable to form a coherent sentence. He had never known that until just now. He leaned up to press his lips back against the bassist's, a moan forced from his chest as the other ground their cocks against each other, sending a shockwave through both of their bodies. "Oh god..." he pleaded, pulling away to nibble on Murdoc's ear lobe feverishly, his sweet moans flowing directly in to Murdoc's ear. "Make me yours..."

2D’s neck being exposed inches from the bassists lips, coupled with the pure want in the boy's voice made the urge to mark the unmarred flesh overpowering. Sharp irregular teeth clamped down hard on the junction between neck and shoulder, skin tearing with the ferocity of the bite and guaranteed to bruise beautifully.

"Ahh!" 2D screwed his eyes shut at the sharp pain, his body tensing a little bit. He made no attempt to stop Murdoc or pull him off. This was how Murdoc operated. He felt a small trickle of blood bubble up from the puncture marks and sighed in relief as the older man's tongue lapped it up, soothing the ache a little bit.

Desperate to inflict something other than pain, Murdoc's hand flew to 2D’s cock, giving it a few apologetic strokes as he licked the fresh mark, mumbling an apology against the skin. 2D groaned and arch his back off the bed slightly.

“Oh, Jesus…”

The bassist's heart continued to hammer in his chest as he pressed a trail of open-mouthed kisses and softer bites down the younger man's chest and stomach before coming to a stop between his legs. “Fuck, you're gorgeous.” The bassist whispered, hot breath ghosting across the straining length. A warm, calloused hand guided it to his lips. Mindful of his teeth, he slowly drew the member into his mouth, tongue curling pleasantly around the head as he took him in. 2D hissed in pleasure as the warmness of Murdoc's mouth engulfed him. The boy tangled his fingers in the other's hair, gasping and moaning at the wonderful sensation.

2D was lost in the sensation of the warm mouth around his cock, then another strange feeling he had never felt before came in the form of Murdoc's finger pushing against his tight hole before dipping inside him, making his body jolt in surprise. "Gh-aahh!?"

The sharp, pained inhale startled the bassist. He pulled off of 2D’s dick with a lewd pop, shushing the singer as he clenched around him. “S’all right Dents, just relax.” He cooed, bringing a free hand up to rub soothing circles at his stomach, thankful that he'd been forced to cut his nails in prison or this would've hurt much worse. “Probably should've used lube, eh?” He admitted guiltily. Slowly sliding the digit out, Murdoc climbed off of the bed to go rifle through his clothes drawer.

A half empty bottle of K.Y. lie buried beneath the various clothing articles and prescription drug containers, but eventually the bassist found it, slamming the drawer shut before promptly returning to the bed. He settled back between the singer's legs and popped the lid open on the lubricant, coating his fingers and shivering at the slick sounds. Slowly, carefully, he pressed in again, this time gliding into the tight cavern much more smoothly. “W-we can stop if I'm hurting you too much.” He offered, worriedly glancing at the blossoming bruises that littered Stuart's neck and chest.

The younger man shook his head at Murdoc, waving a hand dismissively at his question. "No, I-I want this." he said looking back at him earnestly, the second time around feeling much better with the lube. "I want everything you've got, luv." he purred, already looking more at ease and comfortable.

“Don't tempt me.” Murdoc growled, capturing 2D’s lips in a passionate kiss as he pressed a second finger in alongside the first, swallowing the moans and whimpers the pleasant stretch evoked. He rocked his hand forward, searching for the place that would make 2D scream. Murdoc didn't know how much longer he could wait, his own cock was begging to be buried in the tight welcoming heat that drew his fingers in so nicely.  
  
The boy cupped Murdoc's face and kissed him hungrily, rubbing and caressing his face and hair as he moaned heavily into his mouth. It didn't take very long for his fingers to find the sweetest of spots and 2D certainly let him know the way his whole body spasmed, the way he gripped Murdoc's face tighter, the way he jerked his head back suddenly as a scream left his mouth unlike any he had made before. "HAAaahh! ....Wh-....Wwhhuzzat?!" he slurred weakly, his lips moist with saliva. If his pupils were visible, Murdoc would have clearly seen them rolling around in his head. 2D had never had anything inserted into him down below so this new and wonderful feeling was completely alien to him.

“‘S called a prostate, Dents.” Murdoc chuckled, lightly kissing the singer's chest. “Like a g-spot for blokes.” He explained. As if to illustrate his point he rubbed the bundle of nerves again, delighting in the confused moan it ripped from the boy's throat. Now that he'd found the delightful bundle of nerves he wasted no time in thoroughly abusing that knowledge. "Beautiful..." Murdoc slowly began to withdraw his fingers, groaning at the way 2D’s ass fluttered around them as if trying to draw them back in. Not one to disappoint, the bassist rocked his hand forward and began a slow push-and-pull rhythm, brushing his sweet spot with each delve inward.  
  
2D hissed in pleasure and widened his legs like a spider, still gripping the older man by the shoulders. "Hagghhh!! Fuck!" If Murdoc could extract this much pleasure from him using only his fingers, how would 2D survive with his cock? "Hhaah...You're fuckin' amazing..." he moaned, dropping his arms to prop up on his elbows and try to see what Murdoc was doing. He certainly had a way with his hands, that was certain.

Murdoc basked in the praise, watching with rapt attention at every shudder, every half-aborted roll of hips the boy gave to chase the sensation. Satan, it was beautiful to see the singer gradually coming apart beneath him but Murdoc wasn't done with him yet. He carefully removed his fingers and reached for the bottle of lube that lie tangled in the bedsheets. Spreading the singer's cheeks, he drizzled some onto 2D’s entrance and smeared the liquid around with his thumb, occasionally dipping past the rim in a teasing motion.

The boy hummed in satisfaction as Murdoc prepared him for his pleasure, making cute little breathy noises as Murdoc's thumb went a little bit deeper than he expected it to with the cool lube against his warm skin. He watched with keen interest as the bassist slicked himself up and felt his heart skip in his chest at the heady groan the man released. Oh fuck… Murdoc was **big**...What if it didn't fit? What if it ruptured something?? 2D laid back chewing on his lip lightly as these scary thoughts swirled around in his mind.

“You're really sure about this, Stuart?”  
  
He quickly raised his head to stare at Murdoc. "Yeah! Oh yeah, I'm...I'm _well_ up for it!" he said with a nervous smile as he laid back down, muttering quietly through clenched teeth. "Heh heh...I'm gonna fuckin' **die**..."

Murdoc chuckled, that familiar bubbling warmth clawing at his decades darkened heart. In that moment he realized that this wasn't just some spur of the moment tumble in the sheets; this was something far more intimate. Murdoc had been afraid that the boy would run as soon as he'd been bitten, but Stuart had accepted it; welcomed it even. He'd stared down the bassist's darkest demons and embraced the twisted parts of the older man without hesitation. Now it was Murdoc's chance to repay him in kind.

He coaxed a pillow underneath 2D’s hips, manipulating the thin body into a comfortable position and spreading his legs obscenely wider.

“Just relax, luv.” Murdoc whispered as leaned down to press a chaste kiss to the singer's thigh, tauntingly close to his dick. “I'll go easy on you."

  
2D really did appreciate the level of care Murdoc was giving him. He was actually treating him like a living human being for once rather than a punching bag. That one kiss in the shower seemed to change Murdoc's whole demeanour. He showed compassion, he was gentle and even...Kind? 2D kept expecting to wake up any second in his bed back to 'normal' life. This all felt so surreal, so wonderful. 2D's cock was laying flat against his belly, as erect as it could possibly be. It almost felt painful. It twitched as Murdoc's lips pressed the skin close to it as if it acknowledged his kiss.

Murdoc grabbed the base of his considerably larger cock and lined himself up, locking eyes with 2D as he brushed the head against the younger man's slicked entrance. The singer gave a small nod and laid his head back on the bed trying to go into his 'zen' mode of relaxation and putting all of his trust in Murdoc. He felt a bit of pressure as the head of the bassist's cock pressed firmly against his entrance before slowly pressing inside him. It didn't feel too bad and 2D backed this up by letting out a mixture of a sigh and a moan, his eyes closed as he focused on his breathing.

Murdoc gave a growl of approval, gritting his teeth at the intense pressure steadily surrounding his dick as he continued to bear down. “So fucking tight…” he hissed. The urge to just start fucking into the boy was nearly overwhelming. His hips twitched with barely concealed restraint as he forced himself to go slow, sinking in steadily inch by inch. “And I get to be the first to have you.” The snarled words were meant to sound domineering but there was no hiding the raw desire that thickened his voice. Sweet Satan, he was already so close to cumming. He fell forward against the boy, burying his face in 2D’s neck and scattering open-mouthed kisses there as he let his heartbeat slow.  
  
2D could actually feel Murdoc's erratic pulse through his cock as his internal walls squeezed against it firmly, making it very difficult to stay focused. He opened his eyes as Murdoc pressed more of himself inside, making 2D utter a sound like he was lifting something heavy. "Hhuuggghhh.... " He bit his lip hard and rolled his head to the side, his eyebrows knotting together as he became restless from the pain and the very full feeling in his lower body. "Fffffuck! Auughhh God..." He whimpered as he opened his eyes wearily, his hands gripping the sheets so hard his knuckles had gone white. 2D rolled his head back to lean against the side of Murdoc's face as the older man kissed the soft skin of his jaw. The lustful kisses soothed him a little bit as he lifted his hand to gently hold the back of Murdoc's head, moaning softly. "...Haghhh...Jesus..." he breathed beginning to pant softly, wincing as he stretched wider when more of his lover's cock pushed inside.

“Shhh, luv. ‘S okay.” Murdoc whispered, hands caressing 2D’s hips soothingly. “You're doing so well.” He lavished the boy in praise as he slowly began to move his hips, withdrawing until just the tip of his cock remained before sliding back in, each shallow thrust pressing slightly deeper than before. The bassist's breaths came in thick pants and choked-off groans as he worked to claim the singer completely, each conquered inch gripping him tighter than the last. He knew it was uncomfortable for 2D as the pained whimpers cut through the haze of lust in Murdoc’s mind. Tenderly hooking his hands under the singer's knees, he guided him to wrap his legs around the older man’s hips. “Just breathe, I've got you.” he purred. A hand wrapped around 2D’s cock, slowly stroking to the tempo of Murdoc's slow, insistent thrusts.

2D actually cried out in pain at one point where Murdoc pushed himself inside him, screwing his eyes shut tightly. He didn't once tell Murdoc to stop, though. The poor bastard had been in prison for months and this was probably the first time he'd had a good fuck in a long time. Not only that, but 2D had longed for Murdoc's love ever since he first laid eyes on him. Now that he had gotten his wish, it was only right that he accepted it. "Hahhhhh....ah!!" Once Murdoc manoeuvred 2D's legs around his waist, he clamped them firmly against him before reaching up to hold onto the bassist's shoulders, breathing deeply like he was in labour. He choked out a moan and looked down to see Murdoc's hand slowly pumping his dick in time with his thrusts. "Oh Murdoc..." he shuddered, kissing up his jaw line. "...I-It's...It's startin' to feel _so_ _good_..."

A shiver ran through the bassist, drawing another rumbling groan from him as he craned his head to the side to capture 2D's lips. It was everything the older man had dreamt of and more. The singer felt exquisite wrapped around his length. Slick velvet warmth drawing him back in eagerly as Murdoc slowly began to pick up the pace. He pulled back from the kiss, using his free arm to prop himself up. Lust-blown pupils raked over the body beneath him- trembling, teary-eyed, slowly bruising bites littering his neck and chest- it was exactly what he'd always worked so hard to inflict in the vocalist. The result of a combination between the urge to push away and the desire to thoroughly possess as well. It was fucked, Murdoc knew, but he'd confess those sins at a later time. For now he let himself indulge in the sweet, drowning toxicity of this twisted and poisoned love.

2D knew he would be sore and aching from all the bites, scratches and of course the sex, but he didn't care at all. The fact that Murdoc was inflicting the pain with love rather than the usual hatred made 2D more open to accept it. It was a weird psychology. He panted and moaned against Murdoc's lips, unable to keep his hands off of the older man's body. He wanted him all. He wanted to be **his**. A thin line of saliva connected their lips as they separated. The singer let his head rest back against the sheets, gazing dreamily up at him, those beautiful lips swollen from kissing slightly open to show that adorable gap in his teeth. "You're all I've ever wanted in my whole life..."

Murdoc's eyes slid closed at the damning words, his heart ached in his chest. He didn't deserve this. He didn't. 2D was an _angel_ \- radiant and pure, draped in God’s Grace and light and love. While Murdoc, the literal Satanist, was a demon- soulless and brooding, dragging Stuart down from up on High and ravaging him on an altar of the blood-soaked feathers of his fall from Grace. The younger man couldn't love him, not after everything he'd done to the boy. Not after this.

Murdoc didn't realize he'd been crying until the tears began to burn hot lines down his cheeks. A breathless sob left his lips as he opened his eyes and stared down at the singer. 2D, the ever innocent angel with a beautiful face to go with his beautiful soul, and Murdoc, a sadistic, evil demon who wrought havoc and thrived in the suffering of others. The two men couldn't have been more different, yet they attracted together as opposites often do. 2D's eyes widened a little bit at the sound of Murdoc weeping, a very rare sight to see indeed. The singer was used to him getting emotional when he was drunk, but he appeared to be sober. "Baby..." he gasped cupping his face and running his thumbs over his tear tracks.

“Stuart...I...Ohh _fuck_ -” Murdoc cried out brokenly, hips crashing loudly against the younger man's as he began to fuck him in earnest. Murdoc's hand shot out and wrapped firmly around 2D’s throat, the other continuing to pump the singer's cock. “I love you.” He sobbed, drunk on the pleasure and the soul crushing sorrow. “Fuck, I love you so much.” Contrary to his words the hand at 2D’s throat tightened as he continued to fuck the boy mercilessly.

2D’s mouth hung open in shock, his Adam's apple rubbing against the palm of Murdoc's hand as he gulped hard. "..M-Mur-dhkhh!" The bassist's hand tightened, squeezing out the last syllables from 2D's voice as his windpipe was sealed off. The singer struggled to breathe, his hands dropping from Murdoc's face to immediately grab onto the wrist that had him by the throat.

Murdoc made an animalistic noise deep in his chest, a mixture of a sob and a scream. As he tightened his grip the bassist could feel the delicious panic seeping into the singer by the way his ass fluttered around the man's cock. “I love you so much sometimes I want to tear you apart.” He gasped, bending at the waist to lap his tongue against the boy's parted lips. “Just so I could stitch you back together and do it again.”

2D bucked his hips in desperation, his lungs starting to burn in his chest from lack of air. He raised an eyebrow at Murdoc's odd comment, unsure if he should be flattered or terrified by it.

Murdoc captured Stuart's lips, relaxing his grip slightly so 2D was tempted to breathe. The air was pulled from his lungs as the singer inhaled, struggling to regain his breath before the hand tightened again. It was an erotic game of force that fueled the bassist's frantic movements, drawing him closer to the edge of orgasm.

  
The moment Murdoc's lips touched his again, the boy's eyes rolled back in his head, taking a small wheezy sliver of air as Murdoc's grip lessened but it wasn't enough. "Khhlk...!" 2D kicked his legs frantically as his face began to turn a light shade of blue, complimenting his hair beautifully as his body started to tremble. The bassist's sadistic reflection looked back at him, mirrored by 2D's pearly white eyes as they rapidly started to lose that 'light' they always had. The boy's own grip on Murdoc's wrist loosened considerably before his hands fell down limply to his sides. His body bucked violently beneath the bassist as a powerful orgasm ripped through his body, shooting ribbons of white-hot cum against Murdoc's chest and stomach. The worst thing about it was he couldn't scream or cry out in pleasure. No, he was forced to experience it in white, mind-numbing, shuddering silence.

Murdoc rode 2D through his orgasm, the wet sound of release slick against the boy's twitching length as the man worked him. “There you go, luv. Look at you.” He shivered at the sight of the younger man convulsing beneath him, mouth opened wide in a silent scream. “Beautiful.”

Everything was starting to go black for 2D as he started to lose consciousness, fighting to keep his eyes open as the final waves of pleasure started to ebb.

An intense feeling of calm washed over the Satanist, riding on the coattails of pleasure as his own orgasm suddenly barreled through him, ripping a broken cry of the singer's name from his throat. Tendrils of white-hot electricity danced through his cock, his body shaking with the intensity of it. Murdoc choked back a sob of pleasure and fell forward against 2D, hips spasming as he spilled himself deep in the singer, thoroughly claiming him.

When the delicious afterglow subsided, Murdoc realized that something was wrong. Stuart wasn't moving. The man laid perfectly still beneath him. His eyes were closed, his mouth was slightly open and his eyebrows were tilted upwards in a worried sort of expression. One could easily mistake him for having an unpleasant dream if it weren't for one thing. His face had turned a cold blue. Murdoc pulled back sharply, hand tearing back from the boy's throat as though he'd been burned. Alarm bells went off in his head as he began to paw at the singer's chest. “S-Stu?” For a sickening moment the bassist was terrified he'd killed the younger man in the throes of passion.  
  
The second Murdoc withdrew his hand from around his neck, a funny wheezing noise came from the boy's chest where his lungs were finally able to inflate again. The colour flooded back into his face as he took a sudden sharp breath, his eyes flying open wide like he'd just seen a ghost.

“Stuart!” Murdoc's hands flew up to cradle the singer's face, brushing stray bits of hair aside as he examined the boy closely. “Fuckin’ hell you scared me.” He whispered, carefully tilting the younger man’s head side to side to inspect the numerous marks he'd left. His heart sank a little the more he realized how much damage he'd done. “Guess I might've scared you a bit too, eh?” Murdoc frowned and gently pulled out of the singer, careful not to hurt him any further.

The boy coughed a few times and blinked his eyes. "Oh... that was wonderful..." he sighed closing his eyes again as he recollected the memory, wanting to savour it all over again. The side of his neck had a nice big love bite to the side of it with a few scattered teeth marks here and there. His body was sore and aching  but he had the most mind blowing sex with his favourite human being. He winced a little bit as Murdoc carefully withdrew himself from inside him and turned his head weakly to look at him, reaching up a shaky hand to touch the side of his face. "Never, in all my life, have I come like that. Ever."

For a moment Murdoc just stared tight-lipped at the singer, concern furrowing his brow. His shoulders began to shake, and at first it appeared as though as he was about to cry again. That was, until he threw his head back and let out a rich and genuine laugh. “Jesus Christ, I think I broke him.” He beamed, looking back at Stuart before leaning down to press a tender kiss to his forehead. He fell against the bed with a contented sigh, slinging an arm around 2D’s torso and pulling him close against his chest. “Don’t worry,” he hummed, pressing another kiss to the boy’s lips. “I'll put you back together.”

  
2D smiled stupidly against Murdoc's lips, immediately cuddling up to him as the bassist pulled him closer. 2D was a very cuddly person post sex. He was quite happy to just lay there, nice and warm in the arms of whomever he'd fucked. "Well," he sighed wrapping his arm tightly around Murdoc's waist, "I may belong to a band, but I'm owned by you..."

Murdoc grinned, pressing feather light kisses to 2D’s cheeks and the tip of his nose, a stark contrast to the previous treatment he'd unleashed on the boy. “Owned, eh? Does that mean yew’re into BDSM, yew cheeky bastard?” He taunted, fully aware that he himself was the guilty party on that subject. The younger man giggled cutely, his cheeks blushing bright pink from the flurry of kisses. He looked thoughtful upon hearing Murdoc's question and put a finger to his chin, glancing upwards as he thought about it.

"I've never actually tried it, to be honest." The singer admitted. Although 2D wasn't exactly what you'd call a prude, he had only ever done the basics of sex, too keen to get straight down to business.

Murdoc’s eyes flicked down to the various bruises on Stuart's neck. “I should probably see a therapist, eh?” He sighed.

  
2D frowned softly and leaned in to kiss the bassist affectionately, holding the side of his face as he did so. "You don't need a therapist, luv. Just because you have different kinks to some other people, it don' mean you're crazy."

Murdoc sighed into the kiss, moving to mouth at 2D’s jaw as the other talked. At least the singer accepted him, damaged as he was. Then again, it was only rational that he did, seeing as Stuart was just as fractured emotionally as the bassist was. They fit together like the jagged edges of  broken glass, harming and helping one another in their attempts to be whole again. “Well if anyone is crazy it's you.” He smirked. “Falling into bed with a known felon. Tsk tsk.”

2D laughed and gave his shoulder a playful shove. "If loving you's a felony...." he chuckled quoting the lyric to Souk Eye. "I'm as fucked up as you are." he grinned lightly giving Murdoc's nose a light tap.

  
“I knew that song was about me, ya cheesy git.” He laughed again, basking in the love of the younger man. His one burning question had finally been answered; the song _was_ about him. The fact that he'd discovered 2Ds true feelings _before_ this admission was hilarious in itself. Everything was so out of order with the two, so it's no wonder their professions of love followed the same backwards pattern.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Smut chapter! I hope you are all enjoying this story so far. Thank you so much for reading and I can't wait for you all to see what comes next. You may be asking "How could it keep going after this sweet moment?" Well let's just say a certain Drummer is going to have some words with Murdoc.
> 
> And a very special thank you to everyone who has left comments and kudos! You guys are what keep Bluehorizon89 and I going!


	4. Chasing Fireflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Russel and Noodle return from their vacations only to discover that Murdoc is a free(ish) man. Can the new couple successfully hide their relationship, or will the close quarters of the band's shared flat be their ultimate downfall?

 

When Noodle and Russel returned from their trips, they'd both been rather nonplussed by the fact that Murdoc was there. Noodle simply uttering an unenthused “Cool," before heading upstairs to sleep off the jet lag. After unpacking his luggage, Russel decided to kick back on the couch and catch up on the TV shows he'd fallen behind in during his trip to the States. Just as he got himself comfortable- soda in one hand and popcorn in the other, 2D poked his head around the side of the door.

"Ey Russ, you ain't seen Murdoc, have you?"

Russel considered the frontman's question for a moment, blissfully unaware of the newfound bond between 2D and bassist. “I think he's down in the kitchen.” Russel answered, thinking that the man was looking to avoid accidentally running into the other.

"The kitchen..." the singer repeated as if making a mental note of it. "Right, cheers." He said and turned to leave, halting in his tracks as the other spoke up again.

“Ey man,” Russel began. “I'm sorry I wasn't here to drive him back. That must've been hard for you.”

2D looked quite bemused at Russel's apology, tilting his head a few degrees to the left and narrowing an eye as he often did when trying to understand something. "Oh!" he said suddenly, his eyebrows swiftly rocketing upwards as the penny finally dropped. He chuckled and waved his hand dismissively as he shook his head, a giddy little grin forming on his face. "Nah, don't you worry about that, Russ. In fact, Muds has been as good as gold." 2D usually spoke of Murdoc with disdain and dread in his voice, well, they all kind of did really. But it was very obvious to pick up the amount of glee and even excitement the singer showed as he talked about him. 2D gave Russel a nod before leaving the room, still giggling to himself as he went off to the kitchen.

Russel had immediately noticed the uncharacteristic way the singer spoke of Murdoc, quirking an eyebrow but remaining quiet as the man walked off. He made a mental note to discuss the odd behavior with Noodle later before turning back to watch his show.

Just because Russel and Noodle had returned, 2D saw no reason why he and Murdoc should hide their love. It wasn't like they were hurting anyone by being a couple. 2D scurried down the stairs leading to the kitchen so fast he slipped with a yelp and had to compose himself before continuing at the same speed.

Downstairs in the kitchen Murdoc sat at the messy dining table, a beer in one hand as he inspected the small card in the other. It was the same card he'd been given the night he'd met the demon El Mierda while filming the “Strobelite” music video. A simple white card with an iridescent black spider on the back. There had to be a way to find the demon, and Satan help him Murdoc would figure it out. At the sound of approaching footfalls he quickly tucked the card into his back pocket and resumed drinking his beer, pretending to be engrossed in something on his phone.   
  
"Well, hello there~" The singer purred sauntering up to his bassist and parking his plump backside on his lap, giggling as he smooched his cheek.

Murdoc grinned and wrapped his arms around the singer's waist. “Ey’ now, be careful.” He warned, casting a glance at the empty kitchen doorway. “Still gotta break it to them gently, you know?” After deeming that the coast was clear Murdoc captured Stuart's lips in a quick but passionate kiss. They had discussed a few ways to tell the others that they were together, but could never really agree on the right time to do it. 2D believed they should be up front about it as soon as possible, but Murdoc wasn't so sure. That didn't stop them from indulging in a little private intimacy, however.

2D broke the kiss after a few delightful moments. "I'm sure Russ would rather know that you kiss me rather than hit me. And Noodle is a good kid. If I'm happy, then so is she." He smirked and rubbed the bassist's chest in slow sensual circles. Murdoc leaned into the touch, a quiet sigh escaping him at the pleasant sensation. The older man's mind was a swarming torrent of doubt and guilt, ebbing and flowing as he tried to anchor himself to the calming shores of 2D’s soul. “You're not ashamed about us, are you?" the singer asked.

Murdoc frowned at him. “Of course not. I'm just… I'm worried that they might convince you what a bastard I am…” He admitted sadly, bringing a hand up to toy with the fabric of the neckerchief the boy wore to hide the steadily fading bruise from their first coupling. “And I'm afraid that you’ll leave.”

The singer's expression saddened a little bit as Murdoc relayed his fears and concerns to him. "Now, you listen to me." he said gently, cupping the man's face in his hands. "You and me are forever. We are one. Would Russel an' Noodle really want to kill our happiness when it's so clear that we're good for each other?" He leaned in to softly place a sweet kiss upon his lips, stroking his cheeks with his thumbs. "If you dwell on our past, you might miss out on our future..."

‘Future?’ Murdoc thought. What kind of future did the singer expect to have with someone like him? There couldn't possibly be any semblance of normalcy when it came to their relationship. “All I know is I'm not gonna lose you again,” he growled, an intense urge to possess creeping into his mind. “You said it yerself...” Desperate hands tore the bandanna from around 2D’s neck, relishing the surprised gasp it drug from the boy. Murdoc eyed the fading love bite. “You're mine.” He whispered harshly against the singer's throat before stalking his lips to the to healing wound.

The road before them was likely to be rocky with a few pitfalls, but the younger man didn't care. Not one bit. In spite of their differences, 2D knew he had found a soulmate in Murdoc and in a sick and sordid way, they completed each other. 2D twitched as Murdoc's lips suctioned themselves to his skin like a leech, feeling his flesh drawn up between his teeth as he sucked hard. "I-I'm yours...." he answered weakly, feeling himself melt against the other. his hand slid up to hold the back of Murdoc's head while he gave him a fresh mark.

A deep hum of approval rumbled in the bassist's chest as he pulled 2D closer, one arm around the singer's waist while the other held his thighs tightly across his lap. Stuart wasn't going anywhere until Murdoc was done with him. Assaulting with teeth and tongue, he marked the boy again, delighting in the way the younger man's rear rocked and rubbed against his groin.

With a possessive growl his sharp teeth pressed against the skin, threatening to puncture once again. The boy shivered against him, trying hard to suppress a moan. Even thought it was very risky for Murdoc to openly show his affections for him, 2D didn't once push him away or plead with him to stop. The danger of getting caught was as much of a turn on as the teasing pressure of the bassists teeth. Plus, he loved how possessive Murdoc had become of him.

Somewhat reluctantly the older man stopped ravaging Stuart's neck, pressing one last kiss to the fresh bruises before pulling away. He grinned at the obvious blush coloring his partner’s face. “So did you come down here to ask me somethin or just to get me hard?” he purred.

More than a little bit hot under the collar now, 2D fumbled to tie the bandanna back around his neck to hide the new marks, wincing as the fabric touched his sore skin. "I was bored." he admitted before kissing Murdoc's cheek a few times. "Just came to see what you were up to."

Murdoc grinned, the two had been inseparable since that first night, one never far off from the other no matter what they were doing. He exhaled a sigh, deciding to be honest with the man. “I'm tryin ta find out where that prick el Mierda is hiding.” He pulled the business card from his pocket and showed 2D, turning it over to show the side with the odd symbol. “This is all we’ve got to go on- me and the feds, it's the card I got back when I first met the bastard.” Murdoc wanted to be able to trust the younger man with this, they were ‘partners’ now after all. The bassist's freedom was on the line, and no one was going to separate him from the vocalist again; not Russel or Noodle, nor the feds, not even a demon.

2D's eyes fell on the card in Murdoc's hand, immediately stiffening as he sat on his lap. It had brought them nothing but trouble."I wish you'd throw that away." he said making a face to show his displeasure. "We don't know what this bloke's capable of. For all we know, he could be spyin' on you through that card." It was a ridiculous notion but 2D had ridiculous logic. "You're safe an' you're back at home. Please just leave it be." He didn't want to stoke the fire again by having Murdoc try to track El Mierda down. He couldn't bear the thought of losing his bassist, possibly forever.

Murdoc sighed and rested his head on 2D’s shoulder. “I have to try, Dents.” He explained,  tucking the card back into his jeans before wrapping his arms tightly around the singer. “They'll put me back in prison if I don't.” The thought of going back to that hell hole terrified him, but even more frightening was the thought of being away from the younger man again. He tilted his head to press a kiss against Stuart's cheek.

The singer's expression saddened from his words. It could be so dangerous, but they had no choice in the matter. He hated the thought of Murdoc being locked up again, alone and depressed in his cell. He also hated not knowing what El Mierda could do if he knew Murdoc was onto him. It was a truly horrible predicament to be in. "You know I'll stand by you." he said quietly, raising his arms to hold him close as he kissed the top of his head, trying to comfort him.

Murdoc closed his eyes, basking in the love from the other. “I don't know what's scarier…. tryin ta find a demon for the Americans or telling Russ and Noodle that we're fucking.”

 

“You're **_what_ **?”

 

Murdoc's head snapped to the side at the sudden interruption. Standing in the doorway with a bowl of half-eaten popcorn was Russel, wide eyed and obviously uncomfortable with what he'd heard. The drummer looked at the men, gears slowly turning in his head at the compromising sitting position the two bandmates were in.

2D's face went crimson at the intrusion, his eyes instantly going to white full circles as he stared awkwardly at Russel. "...Erm..."

Murdoc didn't move, he couldn't. He just sat there clinging to the singer and staring the drummer down. “What are you doing down here? Thought yew were watching Downton Abbey.” he said, instinctively tightening his grip on 2D’s knee.

“Popcorn needed butter…” The drummer looked at the younger of the two, noticing the fear in his wide white eyes. “Y’all are fuckin?”

2D's mind went completely blank as he looked from Murdoc to Russel, absolutely cringing with embarrassment. "Fuckin...Fucking furious about today's economy!" he blurted out suddenly, shifting a little bit as Murdoc's  hand squeezed his knee. "We-we’re f-fuckin'....Furious...." his voice faltered as his obvious lie came too little too late and he lowered his gaze to the floor, his hand sliding down from Murdoc's chest to rest on his hand.

The bowl of popcorn clinked against the countertop as Russel set it down, glaring at the bassist. His face softened for a moment before he spoke again, choosing his words carefully as he looked at Stuart. “D, is he forcing you? You can tell me.”

Before 2D could even take a breath to answer Russel's question, he found himself crashing onto the floor with a loud thud as Murdoc shoved him from his lap and rose to his feet, voice dripping with venom as he confronted Russel.

“Forcing him?! What are you on abou’?” Murdoc growled, stalking over towards the young drummer with anger written all over his face. His fists clenched at his sides. “See, Dents? This is why I didn't want to tell anyone.”

"N-No! No!" 2D yelped, scrambling to his feet and rubbing his tailbone as he quickly stepped between them. He flung his arms apart to press his hands against each man's chest. "He's not forcing me at all, I swear! While you and Noodle were away, one thing lead to another and...Well..." He looked back at Murdoc giving a shy little smile before facing Russel again. "I know it's hard to believe, but I love him and he loves me."

Russel glared at the bassist with a look of disgust. “He _loves_ you? That man ain't capable of loving anybody but hisself.”

The bassist’s chest pressed hard against 2D’s hand as he fought to reach the other. “You don't know fuckin anything!” He barked, trying to throw himself at the stoic drummer. In the struggle to hold the bassist back, the loosely tied bandana was torn off 2D’s neck, revealing the fresh and fading marks. Murdoc froze in place, clutching the fabric in his fist helplessly as his eyes darted from Stuart's neck to Russel’s judgemental gaze.

  
There was nothing 2D could say to remedy the vicious looking love bites on his neck. Both their secret and the questionable evidence behind it were now out in the open quite literally.

“Yeah...you must really love him, huh?” Russel drawled before turning and leaving the kitchen in a tense silence.

2D stood completely still, a look of humiliation and shame on his flushed face. Finally he turned to Murdoc, not really sure what to say. “Please don' be angry with him, Murdoc." 2D stepped closer and pulled the older man into a tight hug, resting his chin on his shoulder as he tried to calm him. "It's a lot o' news to take in all at once."

Murdoc was rigid in 2D's embrace, body trembling with rage. ‘My fault. My fault. My fault.

 

My fault….

 

… _His_ fault?

 

 **_His fault_ **.’

 

Without warning he  charged forward, slamming the singer hard against the wall. A snarl left his lips as he tore himself from the embrace and delivered a stinging strike to the man's face, his palm burning with the force behind it.

2D stared aghast at Murdoc, completely stunned as an angry red hand print formed on his pale cheek. As his brain tried to process what the hell had just happened, he was struck again, a full shriek bursting from his lips as Murdoc hit his raw skin.

“You wanted this to happen, didn't you?” Murdoc hissed. “You wanted me to look like a fucking prick.” He pressed himself against 2D again and tilted his head to the side, dragging a long tongue across the bright red skin of the boy's injured cheek.

"I-I didn't, I swear!" 2D croaked, his eyes watering from the sharp sting of the blows. "Murdoc, please!" he grimaced as the older man's tongue slowly pressed against his throbbing cheek. Frail hands gripped Murdoc's shoulders where he desperately tried to push him away.

The bassist snatched both of 2D's thin wrists in one hand, pinning them against the wall above his head. “Shut up. Shut the  **fuck** up!” he hissed. 2D choked back a sob, tears rolling down his face as Murdoc pressed his hand over his whimpering mouth. “You thought people’d just accept that we're together?” The older man snarled, searching Stuart's fearful black eyes.

As frightened as the boy was, 2D knew better than to fight back when Murdoc had an advantage over him. He knew damn well he'd come off much worse if he did. 2D shook his head frantically as Murdoc's hand slid from his mouth, down his chest and stomach to come to rest at the singer's belt. Murdoc roughly yanked the belt open, making 2D's hips jerk forwards from the force

“You think that they'd accept that you're mine?” Warm, calloused fingers delved past Stuart's underwear to wrapped around his flaccid length, beginning a harsh rhythm as Murdoc continued to taunt the boy. “Oh **I** know...You wanted to show ‘em what I did to you? What I _do_ to you?”

The singer closed his eyes, beginning to sob quietly as he was touched. He tore his eyes away from Murdoc's, unable to take the cold stare any longer as he turned his head to the side and bit his lip. Unfortunately, the bassist took this as an offering and quickly latched his mouth to the exposed skin, drawing it up between his teeth and claiming the unmarked patch of flesh. He could feel Stuart’s cock stiffening from the rough ministrations of his hand despite the pitiful silent sobs and the tears that trailed down the boy's cheeks. Murdoc's mind screamed that what he was doing was wrong, but he just couldn't bring himself to stop the torture.

2D felt so dirty, so ashamed that he was getting pleasure from Murdoc's actions, despite his quiet resistance. He flinched and bit down hard on his lip as Murdoc's mouth ravaged his pale neck, his eyes opening wide. "Stop it...Please..." he whined.

With a lewd, wet sound Murdoc pulled back from the singer's neck and admired the glistening bruise. “You're so bloody gorgeous like this…” he purred against 2D’s cheek. The taste of salt burned his tongue as he lapped at the tear-stained face and pressed a sloppy kiss to 2D’s jaw. “So weak and lovely, just for me.” Murdoc ground their hips together to show him just how much he was enjoying this power play.   


Stuart was unable to stop the groan that burst from his lips from the sudden grinding. He didn't want Murdoc to love him like this, not while he was angry. "It was bound to come out in the open sooner or later, you can't blame me for this!" he cried blinking back more tears.

“Oh, but I _do_ , Dents.” Murdoc growled, hating himself for the lie. After all, it had been him that let it slip. It was his own fault… that and a case of Russel being in the wrong place at the wrong time, but he couldn't help but to blame the singer for his own fallen walls and the ease he felt to share himself with the younger man. “You had to come down here and talk about our ‘future’ like some bloody fairytale happily ever after.” His heart ached as he spun the younger man around, pressing his face roughly against the wall and forcing his jeans down past his thighs. “And for a second I wanted to believe you.” he grit.

The poor boy sniffled as the older man had him face the wall, his hands flailing against it in alarm. "W-Wait! Murdoc, please!" he squeaked, struggling under Murdoc's grip. "S-someone migh' come in!" 2D quickly lowered his hands to pull his jeans up again, his whole face going the same colour as the slap mark on his cheek. In a show of more courage than he was feeling he mustered up what strength he could and pushed Murdoc back. “ **Stop**!”

Murdoc staggered back, trying to calm his racing thoughts as the boy covered himself. He couldn't meet 2D’s eyes when the other turned to face him, staring instead at the discarded bandanna laying on the floor by his feet. Without speaking he knelt down and picked it up, clutching the fabric in his fist as he slowly looked at the other. The familiar rush of lust was muddied with self loathing as he took in the younger man's trembling form, his hands clasped weakly at his waist to hide his arousal. “Go upstairs...I...I'll meet you in a minute.” Murdoc growled, forcing himself to look away from those damning eyes.

2D took the bandana with a shaky hand and quickly hobbled away, not once looking back at the bassist. Murdoc's sudden lash out had really shaken him. It had come from absolutely nowhere without any warning. It wasn't a playful tap either, he had actually hurt him out of anger just like he used to.

2D made it up to his room, thankfully not running into Russel or Noodle and closed the door behind him before pressing his back to it as he hitched his jeans up properly, replaying what had happened over and over in his mind.

He straightened up and turned to slide the metal bolt across his door, locking himself inside so he could see to his injury without being disturbed. He trudged into his personal bathroom and held the bandana under cold water before pressing it against his cheek, hissing with a mixture of pain and relief as the wet material touched his skin.

In the weeks that they had been together, 2D's fear of Murdoc had almost completely fizzled away to nothing. He was comfortable to be in his company, to laugh with him, to give his love to him. However, now that Murdoc had displayed such aggression towards him all of a sudden after all the nice times they'd had together, it had really shaken 2D's trust in him on a very severe level. He felt that same fear that he used to and even though he still loved Murdoc with all his heart, he was beginning to fear him all over again. That special bond they had built up now hung by a thread.

 

The silence was deafening in the moments that followed 2D’s departure. Murdoc palmed himself through his jeans, face flushing hot with a mix of shame and arousal as he let out a quiet groan.

‘What the hell?!’ his mind roared. Why had he done that? It had been his own fault and yet he'd lashed out at the singer instead, desperate to find an outlet for his self loathing. He'd struck 2D, practically molested him, and was about to-

 

 **No**.

 

Murdoc thrust his fist against the doorjamb once- twice- three times, until the blossoming pain began to quiet his thoughts. The bassist tried to make his way back upstairs unnoticed, but as soon as he passed the living room Russel spoke up, halting the man in his tracks.

“You better think real hard about what you want to say, man. Cuz Noodle and I sure as shit have.” The drummer kept his eyes on the screen, unable to look at the older man without wanting to beat the hell out of him.

“What?” The Satanist asked, unsure of what Russel was getting at.

“We're not blind, Muds. We know how Stu is, and how he's not. And when you were gone…” The younger bandmate was silent for a moment as though he were interested in something happening onscreen, but Murdoc knew better. “Yeah he seemed happy in front of the press, but we were the ones who had to be there for the night's he wouldn't sleep because he missed your abusive ass.”

The words felt like a punch to the gut, and Murdoc couldn't help but to flinch at them. Without a word he moved on, slowly climbing the stairs up to Stuart's room. When he tried to enter the door it wouldn't budge, the realization spiking another nail into the bassist's coffin of self hate. “Stu?” he called out.  
  
2D flinched as the handle to his door suddenly turned, jammed, and then went back to it's starting position. He knew it was Murdoc out there before he'd even spoken. Cautiously, he crept over to his bedroom door but made no attempt to unlock it. After a few seconds of silence, he spoke in a quiet, low voice. "What d'you want, Murdoc?"

The blatant fear and distrust in the other man's voice was both familiar and out of place. Gone was the once sweet timbre of the singer's tone, dripping in love and kindness; now that only trepidation and terror remained. “I just wanna talk.” Murdoc sighed and pressed his forehead to the door, the thin barrier between them reminiscent of a parishioner at confession. “I won't touch you...I promise.”

 

Silence.

 

The bassist fought the despair thick in his voice and rattled the handle again, desperate to be close to the other. “Stuart!” Fuck, he hated himself. They had been doing so well before the others had come back. Once they'd returned, the bassist had been faced with the harsh reality of what he was capable of doing to Stuart despite his love for him. This was two steps forward and four steps back, only Murdoc was terrified that there was no way to get back in time with the rhythm of abandon they'd found in their fantasy. “...Please.”

  
On the other side of the door 2D slowly reached out to grab the deadbolt, only to quickly withdraw his hand and jump back in alarm as the door handle frantically rattled. It really killed him to hear Murdoc's voice sounding so urgent on the other side but he had to be sure that he wouldn't lash out at him again. 2D stood chewing his lip as he listened to him on the other side, battling with himself on what to do. Eventually, the sound of sliding metal could be heard, indicating that 2D had unlocked the door. It creaked open very slowly to reveal the pale, shaken singer peering at him from around the door. He was cowering behind it like it was his only means of protection. "..."

Murdoc stared at the trembling man, the urge to wrap his arms around him making his muscles twitch with restraint. If he moved it would surely scare the singer, possibly making him close the door again for good.

Level ground…like in the car, he thought.

“I'm not what I shown the press either...You know? I said I beat Big Balls McWhat’s-his-fuck in prison, but….I lied.” Murdoc looked down at his feet with a guilty expression. “He sucker punched me and I went down like Mariah Carey singing in a Christmas parade. Then he beat me so hard ‘e shattered my jaw and eyesocket.” The words tumbled out of his mouth, humiliating and humbling. He only hoped it would work. “I was drinkin’ baby food through a straw for weeks.”

2D watched him quietly for a moment, absorbing what he had just said before opening the door fully to let him inside. Once they were both in his room 2D closed the door and locked it again to give them some privacy. "So..." he said quietly, turning to face Murdoc as he folded his arms across his chest. "You slap me. Twice. An' you _somehow_ have the stomach to try to..." He closed his eyes, not wanting to say that horrible word. "Y-You tried to .... **rape** me, out in the open, and you have the _balls_ to come up here wantin' me to feel sorry for **you**?" He was looking at Murdoc with disbelief on his face, and hurt in his eyes. "Is that it, Murdoc?!" His voice cracked making him sound hysterical as he felt the tears start to flow again, their relationship feeling as though it was on thin ice.

“No! No, that's not what I meant,” Murdoc sighed, lowering the hand that tried to instinctively reach out and brush the tears from the singer's face. He remembered how they'd tasted against his tongue… Murdoc shook his head and tried to focus on what he was trying to say.

“I...I got _hard_.” The confession made his cheeks burn hotly. “When he was beating me...I felt like I was getting something I deserved... and it felt...” He shivered, slowly meeting the singer's eyes. “I realized, when I'm mad, I want to hurt myself, but you were always so close and so _fucking_ beautiful...so I took it out on you instead.” He grit his teeth against the wave of emotion that threatened to sweep him away with it. “I'm...I'm sorry, Stuart.”

2D was aware of Murdoc's sadomasochism but it was weird to actually hear him talk about it. It was always such a secretive subject. He actually raised his eyebrows upon hearing Murdoc's apology, knowing very well that he never said sorry to anyone. 2D's expression softened a bit, feeling pity for the older man. Many would call him stupid, or naive for feeling compassion for someone who could be so hostile and cruel. Maybe 2D did have a severe case of denial thinking that they could always recover from knocks in their relationship, but he didn't care. All he knew was that he wanted to be there for Murdoc any way he could. Rather abruptly, 2D strode over to Murdoc and pulled him into a tight, wordless hug. He rested his chin on his shoulder and heaved a great shuddering sigh as he gently rubbed the older man's back. "....S'gonna be alrigh'..."

Murdoc's hands flew up to the boy’s sides, clutching desperately at the fabric of his shirt as he clung to him like a moor against battering waves. “I'm sorry… I'm so sorry.” He gasped and pressed his face to the taller man's collarbone as he silently wept. “I'm a fucking disaster.” Murdoc pressed a kiss to the singer's throat, then another, hands sliding up to lightly splay against the man's chest. “I'm sorry…”

This was another reason why 2D would never leave Murdoc. The bassist physically, mentally and spiritually needed the younger man and of course, 2D felt exactly the same way. He held Murdoc close to his warm body, gently talking to him to try to soothe him. "Ssshhhh....There now....Everything's ok, I've got you."

Well, he _did_ have him. That is until Murdoc slowly fell to his knees, his wiry arms wrapping around Stuart's waist to pull his hips close. “I’m sorry.” He growled, nuzzling 2D’s crotch. His lips brushed the fabric temptingly as he gazed up at the other. “Please...Let me make it up to you.”

2D bit his lip, trying to stifle a moan as his cock instantly reached to Murdoc's touch, a sharp gasp coming from his mouth. "Hahh...M-Murdoc, you don't have to." he moaned feeling quite bad that the older man was literally on his knees, begging for forgiveness.

Murdoc brought a hand to the singer's belt, fighting the flashes of what had just transpired in the kitchen as he undid the man’s jeans again, albeit much more gently this time. “Please.” he begged as he worked Stuart’s length free of his underwear. He hooked the waistband under the singer's balls and leaned in, mouthing at the flesh wetly, shuddering at the heady bitter taste of the other man before lapping his way up to the steadily stiffening cock. The sweet moans were a healing symphony for his heart and he looked up at 2D with an unreadable expression. “Don't hold back,” was all the warning he gave begore taking him into his mouth, sliding down until his nose was buried in dark, coarse hair.

The young man gasped in both pleasure and surprise as Murdoc took him in one swift movement. "Hahhh...ghh-..." 2D leaned his head back, his eyes narrowed to slits as the warmth of Murdoc's throat tightened around his cock, almost making him lose it right there and then. Unable to resist his imploring words, 2D grasped the sides of Murdoc's face and slowly started to rock his hips back and forth, groaning at the gorgeous sensation. "I'll always love you, Murdoc..." he moaned canting his hips a bit faster. "You never need to question that."

Murdoc shuddered at Stuart's words, closing his eyes tightly as struggling to suppress his gag reflex as his throat was repeatedly penetrated. The lack of oxygen made his head spin and the lewd wet sound of the man's cock sliding between his lips stirred a new twinge of pleasure in the bassist, making him moan around the fullness in his mouth. Arms snaked around 2D’s waist once again, holding him in place as he let the man continue to ravage his mouth. The Satanist’s mind started to fog over as he let himself be used, letting out choked moans and growls as the pace became increasingly fierce. Thin strings of drool and precum dripped from his lips in thick clinging ropes. Moaning at the bitter taste, he struggled to open his eyes, looking up at the other like he was his entire world; one that he couldn't wait to watch burn.

 

Stuart looked down at Murdoc endearingly, light panting breaths escaping his lips as he continued to thrust in that same jarring rhythm. 2D could feel Murdoc's pointed teeth lightly touching the girth of his dick, giving him a weird nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach. But hey, if this was the way Murdoc insisted on apologising, 2D didn't want to come across as ungrateful. After a little while, 2D's eyes closed and his lips became tight, a sign that he was getting close to hitting his high. His grip tightened around Murdoc's head as he thrusted faster, his breathing becoming quick and uneven. "Muds, I don't have very l-long...I-"

With a sudden cry 2D's hips stilled, his eyes rolling back in his head as he came down Murdoc's throat. Riding on the high of the mindblowing sensation he bucked his hips a few more times to ride out his orgasm for as long as possible, Murdoc moaning around him as the acrid taste of the boy's release touched his tongue. Impressively the bassist managed to swallow most of it, the excess sliding down his chin and neck. Stuart slowly pulled out of Murdoc's mouth before getting down to his level, an exhausted chuckle coming from his chest. "You really didn't have to do that, but...thanks~"

Murdoc rolled his tongue across the inside of his mouth to savor the taste, flashing a meek smile at the singer. “I know, but I wanted to.” He sighed shakily, cupping the boy's uninjured cheek. “I needed to.” Murdoc adjusted himself in his jeans, his own arousal unimportant in the face of the singer's forgiveness.

2D leaned into his touch, the corners of his mouth upturning a little bit in a cute smile. His eyes wandered down to settle on the obvious 'tenting' on the front of Murdoc's jeans. His smile widened as he lowered his hand to run his thumb lightly over it coyly. "I can't leave you like this, now can I? Wouldn't be right."

The bassist shivered. A hand darted out to grab Stuart's and he interlocked their fingers as he pulled the hand away and to his lips. “N-no,” he whispered, pressing his lips to the boy's knuckles. Again his mind was at war. One part screamed to let the boy tend to him. To drown in the pleasure that light touch had promised. The other part of his mind, the side of self hate and masochism insisted that he didn't deserve it. He was at a stalemate, unsure of what he really desired.

2D blinked and smiled again, but not in a pervy way. It was one of his nice, genuine ones. "Murdoc," he said quietly as he looked right into his eyes, those black pools seeming to go on forever. "If I've forgiven you, there's no reason why you shouldn't forgive yourself." He shifted closer so that their faces were inches apart, his eyes still boring into Murdoc's. "Leave the past where it belongs."

Murdoc wanted to drown in those obsidian eyes, so full of love and light. He closed the distance between them, pressing his lips to the boy's in a tender kiss as he brought their clasped hands back to his arousal. A quiet groan escaped his lips as he rocked against them.

2D was only too happy to grope and fondle him as they kissed, feeling like he was falling in love with the bassist all over again.

Murdoc blushed when he pulled away from the kiss. “Could we, uh...go to the bed? My knees are killing me.” He admitted in an embarrassed huff. It wasn't that big of a surprise though, he'd just turned fifty-two in prison and he'd be lying if he said age wasn't catching up with him. Firm hands clasped 2D’s shoulders. “Help an old man to bed, will ya?” The bassist said with an exaggeratedly croaky voice.

"Come on, then." Sometimes 2D forgot about the age gap between them both and although the bassist wasn't _that_ old, he liked to put Murdoc's health before his own. "You? Old?" he snorted a giggle as he got to his feet and helped him up, putting his shoulder under Murdoc's arm to support him. "Come off it. You fuck like a 25 year old."

Murdoc cackled at the singer's words, letting the taller man guide him towards the bed. “Is that a compliment I hear?” he grinned, knowing it was. The bassist made himself comfortable against the soft bedsheets, grumbling something about it not being Egyptian cotton with a teasing smirk.

"Oh, sorry about my 'peasantly' bed sheets, yer highness." Stuart answered, with an over exaggerated bow, giggling to himself. "Perhaps if I had more allowance money, I could afford to tailor my belongings to meet your very high standards." He tugged his shirt up and over his head, humming in satisfaction as Murdoc's hands found their place on his torso. 2D blushed as Murdoc worshipped his pale body, warm hands traced the expanse of the singer's exposed abdomen.

"Beautiful…” Murdoc sighed, sitting up to press gentle kisses to the boy's chest as he took in the stunning view. Murdoc pulled his own shirt off before relaxing back against the pillows, staring up at the singer with adoring eyes.

"Now _that's_ beautiful." 2D purred, his eyes wide with interest as he took the other all in, leaning down to feel and grope his firm chest before sliding his hands down his stomach to unfasten his belt.

He looked so confident perched over the older man, black eyes shimmering with a post-orgasmal high.

“I love you, 2D.” Murdoc growled, shivering under the younger man’s gaze. His eyes slid closed as 2D’s palms pressed against his verdant skin, a shudder wracking the older man’s frame at the gentle touch.

"I know you do, love." 2D smiled affectionately as his fingers delicately traced Murdoc's fly. "I love you more than life itself."

Murdoc's hands came up to gently rest at the singer's hips, his thumbs kneading the skin in slow circles as he watched 2D undo his jeans. Murdoc hissed through his teeth as his neglected length rose from the confines of his briefs, a dark stain flush against the head where precum had drooled out and soaked the fabric. A wrecked moan vibrated through his chest when he opened his eyes again, basking in the vocalist’s confession.  
  
2D sucked in a slow steady breath as Murdoc's famous phallus came into view, unable to resist the temptation to yank down both his underwear and jeans. "Well, aren't you gettin' yourself all worked up?" he purred as he got to work on his own jeans, wriggling out of them and his own underwear like a creature shedding it's skin.

“Me? You're the one who's getting hard again after you just came.” He grinned, playfully flicking the underside of Stuart's stiffening cock. He surged forward to steal the surprised gasp in a kiss before relaxing once again, bringing 2D back down with him in a warm embrace. For a moment they just basked in each other’s love. Soft, passionate kisses soothing over the raw emotions from before.

  
2D's mouth moved against Murdoc's, his tongue slipping inside to lick and probe the moist cavern. He sighed against the bassist's lips, each enjoying the other's company. It was truly a wonderful experience to lay with someone that you loved, hearing their soft breathing, the gentle touch of their lips against your skin, your heart feeling light and happy.... There was no other feeling quite like it. Until 2D spoke up and killed the ambience.

"Wanna shag?"

The bassist hummed a laugh against 2D's lips at the blunt comment. “I always wanna shag you.” He purred, sliding his hands down to cup the boy’s ass and gently rock their hips together, swallowing the moan it drew from the other. He wanted more. More of this confident azure-haired angel so carefully soothing the wounds of his damaged soul. Murdoc kissed a trail along Stuart's jaw before pressing his lips to the shell of his ear, whispering hotly against it as he rolled his hips again. “Fuck me.”  
  
2D's eyes went large at Murdoc's command. Did he hear that correctly? "Really?" he asked propping himself up on his elbows to  make sure he had read Murdoc loud and clear. "You want _me_ to fuck _you_?" he breathed in almost a whisper, his eyes shining with excitement. He looked as though someone had told him he'd just won the lottery. Murdoc was always so dominant and in control yet he was actually telling 2D to take the reins this time.

The blush that darkened the older man's face was telling of his embarrassment, making him press his cheek against the pillows to try to hide his burning face. From the corner of his eye he saw the singer’s lips curl into a smile and his cock twitched at the excitement in Stuart's voice. “I won't say it twice.” Murdoc grit out, feeling a little more than exposed under the singer's gaze, despite the delicious way the shame made his blood burn hotter.

Beyond delighted, 2D scrambled off of his bed and rummaged around in his chest of drawers for his faithful tub of lube. He scooped up a generous amount and slathered it all over his length before carefully climbing back onto the bed and spreading Murdoc's legs, smearing the excess lube on and around his entrance. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this..." he purred, positioning himself over the bassist and bringing the head of his cock to lightly touch his hole. "I'll go at your pace, ok?" he said, leaning down to kiss the bassist's neck before slowly pushing himself inside with a high-pitched groan of pleasure.

Murdoc let out a pained growl as the head breached him and he clutched the bedsheets with a white-knuckle grip. “Ahhhh...F-fuck.” The singer’s cock may not have been as big as Murdoc's, but the dull burning stretch was unpleasant all the same. His own length lay heavy against his thigh, steadily dripping precum as the pain blossomed into dark, taunting pleasure.

The boy paused giving Murdoc time to adjust. He didn't want to rush this. It needed to be perfect considering this was his first time topping. "Hahh...Sorry about that..." he groaned fighting the urge to start pumping his hips back and forth at a ridiculous speed. 2D sucked firmly on Murdoc's neck, drawing his flesh up between his toothless gap to give him his own unique love bite and placing his hands either side of Murdoc's shoulders. "I'm gonna go deeper, ok?" he grunted, biting his lip as he slowly pushed himself in to the hilt, his thighs twitching against the older man's buttocks.

Murdoc panted, sweat beading on his brow. It felt wonderful- being claimed by the singer, but something deep inside his soul rebelled against the pleasure. Memories of his past threatened to pull him from the moment. Thin fingers threaded through the boy’s azure hair as he worked to mark the older man's neck. “I-I want...more.” He growled, shivering as he wrapped his legs around the younger man's waist. “More...” He felt restless, hips rocking of their own accord, a breathless moan leaving his lips at the slick sound of their union. “H-hurt me…please.” He gasped, beginning to claw at his own chest like he wanted to tear his skin off.

It wasn't in 2D's nature to be spiteful, or  to cause harm. He bit his lip, against the idea but Murdoc had such need, such pure _want_ in his voice. 2D screwed his eyes shut and started to roughly thrust in and out of his body, not wanting to physically see him in pain. He didn't mean to be a pussy about it, he just didn't want to see him hurting, even though he had asked for it. He leaned down again to crash his lips against Murdoc, hoping to distract him from inflicting pain on himself while he fucked him roughly.

A beautiful scream tore it's way from Murdoc's throat, his hands scrambling for purchase on 2D’s shoulders. Mismatched eyes rolled back in his head as the feeling washed over him, the painful thrusts spiked with pleasure and fierce heat.

In the years that they'd known each other, 2D had never heard Murdoc make a noise quite like that. In the past back at Kong Studios, he often overheard the cries and screams coming from Murdoc's Winnie from his room, which would keep him awake at night, but the scream he heard just now actually gave him chills. 2D panted and moaned, his various noises mixing with Murdoc's, brain madly apologising every time he caused the older man pain.

Filthy moans spilled from the bassist's lips, swallowed up by the singer as he crashed their mouths together hungrily. The pain was exquisite, making his mind go white and fuzzy. All he felt was tactile. There was no emotion and no shame, no thoughts or memories in his head but ‘more more more’. His mouth hung open as another broken cry slipped out, muted in contrast to the loud applause of flesh crashing together. Murdoc fumbled for one of Stuart's hands, guiding it up to his neck with a dazed look in his eyes. He pressed the thin fingers against his throat, shuddering as his breathing became restricted. He tried to meet Stuart's eyes, silently begging.

Becoming delirious from pleasure, the singer's hand tightened around Murdoc's neck biting his lip as he stared down at the man with a wild look in his eyes. "F-Fuck...You like this? Bein' fucked senseless?" he growled, the control and power he had over Murdoc going to his head as he completely cut off his air supply. "Say it."

The bassist tried to speak; to scream ‘yes’, to beg for even more pain, but all that came out was a raspy croak as his lungs fought for air. All of his pain, his isolation, his self-hatred; it all felt like it was being driven out of him. Chased away with every harsh thrust of the younger man's hips. Murdoc’s whole body shuddered at the delicious feeling, letting out beautifully wrecked moans as the singer dominated him. Stuart was beautiful as he tore Murdoc’s aching soul into pieces, ever the fallen angel who wrapped the hateful demon in bloodied wings and found love in his sin.   
  
The singer continued to pump into him roughly, his grip slipping on his neck from sweat. "Ghhh...I'm gonna lose it ssoon..." he groaned as a powerful pulse went through his shaft right to the tip of his throbbing head which repeatedly slammed against Murdoc's prostate. He pulled his hand away from Murdoc's neck, allowing him sweet air as he leaned down to sink his teeth into his collarbone, trying to last as long as he possibly could before his fast approaching orgasm.

As soon as 2D’s hand left his throat, Murdoc sucked in a deep, shuddering breath. Sweet oxygen flooded his lungs making his brain became muddled with warm fuzzy whiteness, endorphins intensifying every sensation. The teeth sinking into his skin, every rough jab at his sweet spot, steadily building and building to a blinding white crach as he reached his peak, careening over the edge of it with a broken cry. His whole body thrashed violently beneath the singer, rutting himself against Stuart's cock as he came untouched. "Ohh fuck! Ffff-FUCK~!” He keened, nails tearing deep grooves in the singer's skin, so desperate to mute the overwhelming shocks of pleasure with pain but unable to think clearly through his orgasm to hurt himself, inflicting his lover instead.

The sense of accomplishment 2D felt when Murdoc reached orgasm and became a screeching writhing mess was absolutely amazing. He felt like he'd climbed Everest, vanquished a monster and shook hands with God all in one go. What didn't feel amazing was Murdoc's nails ripping through his back, making him cry out and hiss in agony. He bucked his hips to ride out his own powerful orgasm, his eyes watering in both sweet pleasure and bitter pain. "Ahhh....Ahh bollocks..." he groaned feeling trickles of blood fill the grooves in his back like rivers. He pulled out and straightened up, not wanting Murdoc to see the result of his actions. He awkwardly backed away from Murdoc like he was a sleeping lion. "Jus' gonna go for a piss!" he blurted quickly before hurrying backwards into the bathroom and slamming the door behind him. 2D looked at his back in the mirror and went pale at the sight, a scared whimper coming from his chest.

 

 


	5. Simulate The Dopamine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murdoc kept his head lowered and worried his bottom lip between his teeth. “An accident?” He echoed. “I was feeling so good… and it scared me.” The bassist shivered, suddenly feeling very exposed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's been commenting and giving kudos! The positive feedback is a big help to continue the story. I hope you're all enjoying this so far! This is a bit of a short chapter, but a lot of shit goes down.
> 
> Also a big thank you to Bluehorizon89 for being the best rp partner!

 

 

The room was silent, occasionally broken by the bassist's uneven breathing as he tried to calm his racing heart. That had been the most amazing sex he'd ever had, and he'd never come without his cock being touched before. His body ached pleasantly as he stretched against the sheets, thighs slick where some of Stuart's release trickled out. He dipped his fingers in the cooling mess on his stomach, bringing it up to his lips and licking it off with a shudder. The acrid taste was cut with the dull metallic burn of blood, breaking the fucked-out haze over the bassist's mind.

 

There was blood under his nails. When had he-?

 

Murdoc looked down at his chest. Shallow scrapes littered the skin, but none were so deep as to draw blood. Dread began to creep into his thoughts. “Stuart?” He called.

Back in the bathroom, 2D was doing his best to mop up the blood on his back with a washcloth which was easier said than done as it was such an awkward part of the body to reach by yourself. He did his best to keep quiet, letting out involuntary grunts of pain every now and then. "I'm...I-I'm constipated!" he called back to him not wanting to tell him what had really happened which would probably make Murdoc feel terrible. "Don't come in!"

 

The bassist's heart sank.

 

Murdoc swung his legs over the side of the bed and pressed his feet to the floor, trying to leverage himself up on sex-wobbly legs. “Don’t fuckin lie to me,” he growled, no heat behind his words, but fear instead. He didn't bother to cover himself as he stumbled towards the bathroom door. He tried to open it but the damn thing wouldn't budge. Stuart must've locked it to keep him out. What had he done?! Murdoc threw his shoulder against the door with a shout, the handle rattling uselessly under his palm. “Don't you lie...not now.” he said, voice tight with emotion.

A startled yelp came from the other side of the door as the older man shoulder- barged against it. "Murdoc!" 2D cried rinsing the blood off of the washcloth down the sink, "It's alright, don't worry! Just a tiny little scratch is all!" He knew Murdoc wouldn't buy that for a second. 2D dabbed his back again with the damp cloth, desperately trying to think of something to say so that Murdoc wouldn't worry. "I'll be out in just a sec, ok? Just a tiny, baby graze."

 

He _didn't_ buy it. At all.

 

“If it's just a graze then let me in.” he growled. Murdoc took three steps back from the door. “ **2D**..." The warning was clear in his rumbling tone. If 2D didn't open the door soon, Murdoc would break the damn thing down.

He didn't want to see it, but he needed to. His heart needed this further agony- the proof that Russel had been right. Love was not something Murdoc was capable of; not without pain, or anguish or heartbreak for all those involved. “Stuart, please.”

If Murdoc broke the door down -which 2D knew he would have no hesitation in doing- Russel could easily assume the worst and think that Murdoc was physically abusing him. With great hesitance, and even greater fear, 2D unlocked the door and pulled it open. Even though the singer was in pain, he didn't want to show it in front of the other and make him feel worse, so he put on his best smile and acted like it was no big deal. Murdoc took a step towards the boy, uncertainty in his every move. His eyes scanned over the singer's body, looking for any sign of damage on the pale flesh. "Honestly, it's _fine_. I'm ok, really." 2D said, keeping his back hidden from view.

 

Unfortunately for him, it was visible in the bathroom mirror…

 

Murdoc's face blanched, stomach clenching so tightly that he thought he was going to vomit.

Stuart's back was shredded to _bloody fucking ribbons_ , fresh and dried blood caking the crisscross of wounds. “W-was that-...what-” Murdoc's legs threatened to give out beneath him, making him sway violently. He was forced to catch himself on the door frame to avoid collapsing entirely. “Oh god…Stu...” Murdoc's hand flew up to stifle the agonized groan that left his lips.

2D's face paled at Murdoc's understandably shocked reaction and he flapped his hands in a flustered manner as he tried to calm him. "No-no-no, Murdoc, look at me!" he squeaked grabbing him firmly by the shoulders and trying to meet his gaze. " **Look** at me," he repeated sternly as he shook the bassist, heart aching to see the man so upset. What the hell could he say? It looked like he had been attacked by Freddy Krueger. "I know it looks bad, but everything always does when there's a lot of blood." 2D mentally kicked himself, hindsight telling him that he could have phrased that better. "Listen..." he said in a softer tone yet still keeping a firm grip on Murdoc. "I'm not gonna die. It doesn't hurt so much now. When this heals up, it's gonna look a lot better."

Murdoc couldn't focus as Stuart tried to reason with him. The words were all blurring together until all he could hear was ‘ _look how badly you've hurt me_ ’. A trembling hand came up to cup the singer's cheek. “I'm so fucking sorry.” he whispered tearfully. “I wasn't trying to hurt you. I was tryin-...” he swallowed thickly around the words, afraid to utter them lest Stuart feel even more sorry for him. He didn't deserve that.

2D swallowed hard and covered Murdoc's hand with his own. He was the one with the wounds yet he was more concerned about Murdoc. "I-I know you weren't, it was just a heat of the moment thing!" he said earnestly, hoping Murdoc would feel better knowing that he wasn't letting the incident bother him. 2D turned to the medicine cabinet and took out some gauze, iodine and a roll of bandages before turning back to Murdoc. He felt bad asking him to treat the wounds that he'd inflicted but there was no way Stuart could reach his own back. "Would you mind, love?"

Murdoc rolled his shoulders against the shudder that washed over him. He couldn't bear to look at the singer, not after what he'd done. Keeping his gaze low, he took the supplies out of the singer's hands. “Sure thing,” he said, feigning a smile as he gestured for 2D to sit on the edge of the tub, facing away from the bassist as the older man sat down next to him. It was only too easy to slip back into the routine of hiding his self loathing as he was presented with the singer's bloodied back. After unscrewing the cap on the iodine Murdoc carefully poured some onto a wide gauze pad.  “This... this might sting a bit.” he warned.

"S’ okay, let's do it." 2D sighed, steeling himself for the all too familiar sting from the iodine as it touched his skin.

 

Yep, there it was.

 

"ARRGH, GOD!!" 2D cried out, covering his mouth with his hand and taking deep exaggerated breaths. He forced himself to sit still so Murdoc could properly tend to his lacerations, coming out with a different string of curse words each time the gauze was pressed against his skin. Every pained gasp and whine the younger man uttered echoed in the small room, breaking Murdoc's facade of calm with each pitiful outcry. By the time each cut had been thoroughly cleaned and the blood had been scrubbed away, the boy was trembling in pain against him, swearing repeatedly whenever Murdoc spent too long on a particularly tender cut. Blood-soaked cotton balls littered the floor beneath their feet, each new addition making a sick ‘thwack’ sound when it hit the tile.

It took almost an hour and a half to clean and sterilise the many gouges carved into 2D’s skin. The singer closed his eyes for a brief moment, silently thanking God that his torment was finally over before carefully lifting his legs back over the side of the bath to stand on the tiled floor. "Thank you." he smiled appreciatively as he carefully bent down to pick up the blood-soaked cotton balls and chuck them in the toilet with a series of 'plops' as they hit the water. They would probably end up blocking the toilet at some point, but a few good flushes would shift them, he thought.

Murdoc watched as the azure-haired vocalist walked around cleaning up all wrapped in gauze and bandages. With a manic sort of detachment it reminded the older man of the time they'd all dressed up for a Halloween photoshoot. Stuart- who had chosen to go as a mummy- wrapped himself in bandages just like the ones he wore now, much to Murdoc's dismay. This time, though, the blood wasn't fake. “There ya go, all patched up. I'll just...get dressed and be on my way out.” he rattled off, still not meeting the singer's eyes as he stood and made his way to the door.

Straightening back up to his full height, 2D's face saddened as Murdoc turned to leave, obviously still wracked with guilt over what had happened. "Please don't go..." 2D said quietly, moving to grab his hand and hold it firmly in his own. "You didn't mean to do it, it was an accident."

Murdoc kept his head lowered and worried his bottom lip between his teeth. “An accident?” He echoed. “I was feeling so good… and it scared me.” The bassist shivered, suddenly feeling very exposed. “It made me think abou’-...It made wanted to hurt myself...but I hurt _you_ instead.” He grit, trying to pull his hand free of the boy's grasp. He was starting to feel claustrophobic, like a lion trapped in a cage with the ringleader steadily approaching. “And now I wanna hurt myself _again_ , so....” Again he tried to pry himself free.

2D could see how uncomfortable Murdoc was getting and he wanted to hold on to him...But he didn't. He knew how horrible it was to be in a situation where you didn't feel comfortable and the last thing he wanted to do was be selfish and make Murdoc stay. Reluctantly, he let go of his hand and looked at him sadly. "Promise me you won't. I don't want you to punish yourself over something you didn't mean to do." 2D reached up to gently stroke his lover’s head a couple of times before letting his hand fall to his side. "I'll come to check on you later, ok?" He really didn't want Murdoc to go but it would be cruel to force him to stay.

“I'll be fine.” Murdoc drawled. His face cracked in grimace of a smile that didn't meet his eyes. He leaned into the touch for a moment, studying 2D’s face like it was the first time he'd ever seen him.

Fuck, he was beautiful. So pure and bright even wrapped in bloodied bandages. Murdoc's fingers twitched.

 

He wanted to pummel that gorgeous face.

 

“Right...” He spun on his heel and left the bathroom to gather his clothes. His mind reeled as he redressed, faded memories threatening to consume him.

Once he left 2D’s room he made a beeline toward his own, letting the darkness envelop him as he slammed the door closed behind him and fell to his knees with a breathless sob. He crawled across the floor towards his bed, reaching up to drag the corner of his bedsheet down and over his body as he curled in on himself. He wept into the crook of his arm, trying to push away the thoughts that haunted him; the images of a bloodied and bruised 2D lying lifeless beneath him. He pushed himself up onto his feet, shedding the bedsheet angrily as he walked over to his clothes dresser. There had to be something in there that could quiet his brain. After thoroughly searching through each drawer (by tearing them out and up-ending the contents) Murdoc found a half empty bottle of licorice whiskey and small plastic bottle of pain pills. “Good enough.” he growled.  
  
2D wanted to go help his partner, but resisted the urge to go after him. Murdoc needed time on his own. The singer trudged out of the bathroom and carefully pulled his t-shirt up over his head, wincing at the sudden sting in his back. He went to his drawers to pull on some fresh underwear before stepping back into his jeans and headed downstairs for something to eat. He'd worked up quite the appetite from all that pain and cursing, not to mention the sex.

Russel noticed 2D walking by the living room doorway and turned to watch him round the corner and descend the stairs. He could tell there was something off in the way the man seemed determined to go unnoticed. Something must have happened after the drummer and Murdoc got into it in the kitchen. He decided to let the singer be until they could talk about it the next day when Noodle was awake.

Oblivious to the fact that anyone had seen him and his odd behaviour, 2D made it to the kitchen and gathered some consumables together to make a sandwich. Sitting down at the dinner table, he devoured his sandwich, getting crumbs everywhere and over himself. Even though he was ravenous, he didn't enjoy the food. His mind was still on Murdoc. 2D had never seen him so upset before and it was really playing on his mind to the point where he couldn't concentrate on anything else.

In the meantime, Murdoc had made quick work of polishing off the whiskey, delighting in the pleasant burn of the liquor as it settled in his stomach and numbed his movements. The sleeping pills had been crushed into a fine powder and divvied up into several thick lines on the bassist's bedside table; only three of which still remained. Murdoc himself lie sprawled out on his bed, running his fingers across the tantalizingly soft sheets as his mind gradually filled with fuzz; the screams of his past muted by blinding white nothingness.

When 2D was finished eating, he stood up and brushed the crumbs off of himself before heading straight upstairs again, taking them two at a time. Russel, being the level headed one of the band, was someone 2D would often go to when he felt upset or distressed by something but he couldn't confide in him this time. If Russel found out about  what Murdoc had done to him, well...He didn't want to think about that. Once he was upstairs, 2D hovered around outside Murdoc's room, desperately wanting to see if he was ok. Murdoc had been very keen to get away from the 'scene of the crime' so maybe he should give him more time alone? 2D hesitantly continued on to his own room, looking back at Murdoc's door over his shoulder anxiously. It was very quiet in there...Fuck it, he needed to know if he was all right. He turned on his heel and made a beeline for the bassist's door before gently knocking on it. "Murdoc?...You alright?" Slowly, he turned the handle and pushed the door open.

The sound of the door opening barely registered in Murdoc’s ears, sounding so distant from where his mind had taken him. When he rolled his head to the side to see who it was, the color drained from his face. “N..no…” he slurred, terror evident in his voice.

The singer stared at him for a few moments, beginning to wish he'd left him alone when he saw how frightened he became at the sight of him. "Erm..." His eyes wandered over his body to the ground up sleeping pills and then settled on his face. Not really sure of what to do in this situation, he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. 2D didn't really want to leave him alone after seeing how 'out of it' he was. Clearly, Murdoc was still very uncomfortable having 2D in his presence but what if he did something stupid and no one was around to help him? Slowly, he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him, speaking gently to him. "I'm just gonna sit with you for a bit, ok?" 2D carefully approached the bed and sat near Murdoc's foot, keeping a distance from him in case he freaked out.

Murdoc knew how dangerous it was to mix alcohol and prescription sleeping medication, not to mention how dangerous it was to crush up and snort said pills. At the moment though, he couldn't think. All he could do was cower from the singer who looked so different in the drug-induced fog that enveloped his mind. When Stuart sat down, the bassist drew his knees up to his chest and stared at the other with wide eyes. “What are you doing here?” He whispered, sounding so much like a frightened child despite the aged rumble in his voice. “You sh-shouldn't be here.”

The fact that Murdoc openly cowered at the very sight of him set off alarm bells in 2D's brain. This wasn't looking good at all. "I just wanna make sure that you're ok." he said slowly and clearly, speaking to Murdoc as if he didn't understand English. There was no way he was leaving him like this, the poor sod needed help. Carefully, he scooted an inch closer to him, keeping his eyes focused anxiously on the bassist. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you...I just want to talk, okay?" He had to find out what was in Murdoc's system before he did anything. "What did you take, love?"

‘ _It can't be him… can it? What’s the year again..._?’ The bassist wracked his brain for an answer, struggling to surface from the drowning pool of one hell of a high. He flinched at the eerily calm way the figure spoke. “I...I drank some whiskey.” He said nervously, trying to move further away from the man. “And... some of that.” Murdoc gestured towards the lines of white on his bedside table. A razor blade covered in the powder rested nearby, but luckily it didn't look like the bassist had used it for any other purpose than to chop up the medication. “It's not my fault…” Murdoc reasoned, fearful of the other man's wrath. “Hannibal is the one who swiped it from you.”

2D looked at the neat lines of white powder again and got up to look for the bottle or box that they had come in to give him answers on exactly what Murdoc had taken. He didn't bother asking the bassist, knowing he wouldn't get a straight answer in the state he was in. "Well, that's ok. I'll forgive him." he said going along with Murdoc's strange ramblings before he finally found a small brown bottle. 2D frowned slightly and picked it up, slowly turning it over to read the label. 'Stuart Pot' was printed out in bold letters. For a moment, he stared at his own name in shock, not saying a word. It wasn't an old bottle of pills either. In fact, 2D had collected them just two days ago. Murdoc had often stolen things from 2D in the past such as his liver and other things but this time was different. It was a violation of trust after 2D had given him his heart, his soul, his _everything_.

He stuffed the bottle in his pocket, trying not to lose his temper as he looked back at the vulnerable bassist. As much as he wanted to confront him about pinching his pills, he didn't. Murdoc was in no condition to be interrogated. Everything needed to stay calm and quiet. "Why are you afraid, Murdoc?" he whispered moving to sit down at the edge of the older man's bed again.

“Your gonna hit me,” Murdoc said, his voice wavering slightly as the other sat across from him. “Or make me sing again...” Murdoc hugged his knees to his chest, grimacing at the memory of the forced performances for drunken, jeering crowds. “I don't like to sing.” he whispered, the words slurring together slightly. It was gradually starting to become clear; the alcohol and medication had reacted badly, triggering one hell of an acid flashback that sent him spiraling into manic hallucinations. It wasn't Stuart ‘2D’ Pot that he was speaking to so carefully, so full of fear at the mere sight of.

“Don't be angry, _please Dad_ …” The bassist whined, burying his face in his folded arms.

2D's breath hitched in his chest as he stared at Murdoc, a look of stunned realisation appearing on his face as he understood the reason why the man before him was so petrified. He swallowed and looked away from him, cupping his hands over each other as they dangled between his legs. If 2D 'broke' the hallucination and tried to convince Murdoc that none of this was real, it could confuse and scare Murdoc even more. "I'm not gonna hit you," he said quietly, looking down at his hands. "I'm not gonna make you do anything. I've...I've always been proud of you, Murdoc."

It felt very strange to take on the role of someone he barely knew about. However, 2D didn't play Sebastian Niccals how Murdoc remembered him. His tone was calm and placid in the hopes that it would give Murdoc the chance not to talk directly to his father, but to say what had been on his mind all these years without fear of being screamed at or physically abused. "I'm so sorry...For the way I treated you. Both of you..." 2D felt his voice crack and swallowed hard, Murdoc's sobering past starting to weigh heavy on his heart. These hideous demons needed to be put to bed once and for all. "Every day that-...that goes by, I hate myself for what I've done to you."

Murdoc's glassy eyes widened at the man who for so many years made his life a living hell; the person who’d raised him to be the monster he was today. “You hurt me.” Murdoc whispered the words harshly, decades of pain resurfacing beneath the concoction of pills and inebriation. “You hurt me all the time and when yew don't hurt me, you.” his breath hitched. The bassist buried his face in his hands and shuddered at the onslaught of memories. “You  _sell_ me...to your drunk buddies…” He remembered rough hands, the vicious bites, the metallic stench of alcohol on another's breath as he was pinned down on cheap sheets in a dingy motel room. The youth’s pleas and cries were ignored by his father, waited outside and counting the cash as he kept track of the minutes on his wristwatch.

Murdoc slowly looked back up at the man, someone he'd feared and hated for years.

“You ruined my life..” The bassist groaned, grabbing fistfuls of his hair and tugging it painfully in an attempt to staunch the emotions threatening to overwhelm him. “You ruined my life and you didn't even care about me enough to say 'sorry’ 'fore you died.”

That hit 2D like a freight train. He choked out a sob and covered his mouth feeling sick to his stomach. How could a father be so cruel towards his son? What the fuck could he _say_ to that? What he had just heard was the most vile, inhuman thing to ever reach his ears "...M-Murdoc..." 2D looked back at him, tears rolling down his face from the weight of it all. The way Murdoc was thrown back to the dark shadows of his childhood, the way he whimpered and shook, the abuse itself... The singer couldn't bare it any longer, he needed to comfort him, to hold him, to **LOVE** him. All the things his father never did. But how could he when he, 2D, was not the man Murdoc saw? "Close your eyes, love..." he croaked quietly, praying that Murdoc would listen to him. "D-Don' look at me..."

The bassist continued to weep as he slowly brought his hands up, cupping them over his eyes like a child trying not to be seen by some unspeakable horror. There were many times in his childhood that he would hide- covering his eyes and sitting in a corner while his brother Hannibal would stand in between the youngest and their father. The sound of bones cracking echoed in his memory, as did the image of his brother dropping to the ground unconscious and bleeding. Hannibal had stopped protecting him after that.

In one swift movement, 2D was there by Murdoc's side, pulling him into a tight protective embrace, holding him the way a mother would her child. "I-I'm here, baby. 2D's here..." The singer hoped that his familiar touch and scent would soothe Murdoc and bring him out of this hideous nightmare.  
  
2D knew Murdoc had a shitty past but because he never openly spoke about it, he had never realised it was so severe and harrowing. "Oh God..." he sobbed, clinging to the man as if he were his life line, wishing he could just blow all of the sick, evil memories away so that they would never torment Murdoc again. The boy wept as he continued to hold Murdoc close to him, the room seeming to echo with his quiet sobbing.

The slender arms wrapped around Murdoc were familiar and warm, jarring in contrast to what his mind was telling him to see. In all his life his father had never hugged him...not once. He peeked through his fingers, seeing olive green skin become muddied with pale beige;black hair beginning to lighten and shift into a familiar azure blue. Murdoc's hands moved to gently poke and prod the singer's face as it shifted before his glazed and unfocused eyes.  “2D…” he stated, as if to confirm what he was seeing. Cold eyes blinked tearfully, fading to a familiar opaque white. A smile tugged at the corners of the bassist's lips as he stared at those familiar eyes, a sense of calm washing over him. “Hey there, lovely.” He slurred, giving the singer a lopsided grin. “What're you doin’ here?”

2D loosened his hold a bit when Murdoc begin to move and looked into his eyes anxiously before relief washed over him as the bassist recognised him, quickly wiping his eyes and doing his best to smile back. 2D would never be able to forget what he had witnessed that day. Ever. "Hiya Murdoc." 2D hoped with all his might that he would never see Murdoc like that ever again. It had really shaken him up to see him so scared and timid. Murdoc Fucking Niccals wan't scared of anything!

The bassist cupped Stuart's face in his hands, swiping this thumbs across the tears that tracked down his partner's cheeks.”Why are you cryin’, luv?” he asked sweetly, oblivious to what the singer had witnessed in the older man's drugged and drunken state. “Do they hurt that much?” A hand gently skimmed down 2D’s back, feeling the bumps and ridges of where the bandages lie beneath the man's shirt. The singer winced a little bit and tried to think up an excuse for his crying.

"No, I... I came in to check on you and I stubbed my toe on the bed. Really fuckin' hurt." It was unlikely that Murdoc would remember what he said as he rapidly started to lose consciousness. Murdoc pressed a kiss to 2D’s temple, breathing becoming slower as he started to drift off in the other's arms. A combination of the drugs and the rush of endorphins once he realized he was safe pulling him into unconsciousness.

“Mmm sorry…” Murdoc slurred drowsily. “Rrreally I am...”  
  
"Ssshhhh....You sleep now, love." 2D cooed leaning down to kiss his partner's cheek tenderly before carefully unwrapping his arms from Murdoc's body. He looked down at the sleeping man and stroked his hair affectionately. 2D crept to Murdoc's wardrobe and rummaged through it for a blanket to keep him warm and instead found his old purple cape he wore during the recording of the Demon Dayz album.

Doing his best to keep quiet, Stuart tip-toed back to Murdoc's bed and carefully laid the cape over his body. He could have just used the sheets Murdoc was laying on but the bassist was heavy and 2D didn't want to risk moving him in case he either woke up or 2Ds back broke, whichever came first. Now that he was asleep, the singer felt safe to leave him. They were strong prescription pills so it was likely that Murdoc would be out for a while. Before he left, he made sure to sweep up the remaining powder with his hand into his palm to flush down the toilet so that Murdoc couldn't do this again. Making his way to the door, 2D turned and smiled at him, a soft whisper leaving his lips. "I won't be far away..."

 

 


	6. If Loving You is A Felony...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...Russel folded his arms across his chest, clearly unimpressed with the show of bravado. “Me and Noodle’s gonna talk wit you for a minute.” he said before pointing at the couch, indicating that the older man should sit. “I figured it would be a good idea to separate y’all so he can't make excuses for your dumb ass. You're the one who’s gotta explain yourself.”...

 

 

Murdoc passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow, easily slipping into the serene and dark embrace of drug-induced sleep. Time ticked by; day fading into night and then back as the bassist slept off the effects of the pills. In his dreams he was taken back to the shores of-

 

- _Plastic Beach...a lazy day spent sitting in the sun with 2D. They laugh and sing and strum their guitars while helicopters wheel overhead. Stuart looks ethereal in the sunlight, squinting at the bassist adorably beneath a cupped hand to shield his eyes. Glistening, wind whipped hair plastered to his cheek. The pair only play louder when the roar of the blades becomes too loud to hear their music. Laughing and basking in the warmth of the scorching sun._

  
2D checked on Murdoc around the clock while he slept. Even though he knew his bassist was perfectly safe, he couldn't help but poke his head around the door every few hours just to satisfy himself in the knowledge that he was fine. He decided he wouldn't bother confronting Murdoc about taking his sleeping pills. If the bassist wouldn't even remember using them, there didn't seem to be much point.

2D himself hadn't had a very good night's sleep. The bandages on his back made him hot, he couldn't lay on his back because it was sore, and his wounds were itchy from the anti-bacterial cream. He had done a good job of hiding the effects of the incident from Russel and Noodle, however. Thankfully the bandages didn't even show under his shirt.

By the time Murdoc woke up it was well into the afternoon, 4:17 p.m. according to the alarm clock glowing dimly on his bedside table. His attention was immediately drawn to the old cape he'd tangled himself up in in his sleep. The bassist tried to remember what happened after he’d left 2D standing in a bathroom that looked like something out of a horror movie- blood-soaked bandages and gauze everywhere- but no memories were forthcoming. There was nothing to indicate that anything had happened save for the cape 2D draped over his body and a familiar feeling of dread growing inside the Satanist’s chest. Murdoc heaved himself out of bed and onto his feet, wincing as yesterday's exploits caught up with him and sent a dull spike of pain up his lower back. He cursed under his breath and stumbled through the darkness of his room towards the door, eager to stand under the soothing spray of a nice hot shower.

As Murdoc made his way to his bedroom door, 2D was fast approaching from the other side for his hourly check up on his lover. Totally naive to the fact Murdoc was on the other side of the door, 2D turned the handle and pushed it open, smacking the door right into Murdoc's face.

There was a sickening crack and a flash of blinding white behind the bassist's eyes as the door opened, sending him reeling backwards with a shout.

“ **_Fuckin_ ** ’ **_CHRIST_ **!” His hands flew up to cover his face. Mismatched eyes were already beginning to water at the pain that electrified his every nerve. If his nose hadn't already been fractured and deformed beyond belief, he was sure it would've snapped once again from the impact. Nonetheless his nose began to bleed steadily, rivulets of red tracking down his lips and teeth. “Stupid bloody wanker.” He growled and reached out, opening the door wider to see who'd been the cause of this whole disaster. The slowly building rage was instantly quelled when he saw the singer's adorably apologetic face peering around the door.

“Murdoc, I'm _so_ sorry!" 2D cried. He squeezed past the half open door into Murdoc's room and held onto his face to see how badly he was hurt. One could say that they were even now what with 2D's back and Murdoc's nose. "Are you alright?" he squeaked, looking him over like a worried mother, concerned by the amount of blood dripping from his nostrils. "I-I just came to check on you and I had no idea you were standing behind the door and..." 2D trailed off and bit his lip, a huge wave of guilt washing over him.

It was sweet; the tender way the singer cupped his face in his hands, babbling apologies while Murdoc just smiled goofily at him. Even after the tension and strain of the previous day, 2D was still capable of love and concern for him. He felt his heart swell at the tenderness in the boy's touch. Murdoc pinched the bridge of his nose, slightly staunching the blood flow. “Nah, nah, ‘s fine.” he scoffed- a wet, nasally sound. “Now I can tell Rus and Noodle that _you_ hit _me_ too.” He laughed derisively at his own macabre joke, not missing the way Stuart's mouth dipped into a disapproving frown. The bassist rolled his eyes and reached out to ruffle 2D’s hair affectionately. “Only jokin’, luv.” He said, flashing another bloodied grin.

"God, your sense of humour is _terrible_..." Stuart groaned, shaking his head in mock despair. He removed his hands from his lover's face, relieved he wasn't seriously hurt. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up." He took Murdoc's hand in his own and turned to the door, almost smacking his own face into it where it was half open. He glanced back at Murdoc embarrassedly and cleared his throat before opening the door fully and leading him out into the hallway towards the bathroom. Once they arrived, he had Murdoc sit on the toilet seat while he grabbed some sheets of toilet roll and offered them to the bassist to mop up the blood.

Murdoc twisted the paper into little cylinders- almost resembling the shape of hand rolled cigarette- and tilted his head back, slowly sliding them into his nose like a ladies tampon to soak up the mess. “So, what's the damage?” he hummed, waving a hand at to get 2D’s attention. “Am I still sexy?” The older man waggled his eyebrows coquettishly.

2D chuckled at Murdoc's antics and nodded, tousling his hand in the man's hair affectionately. "Yoy could be covered head to toe in shit and you'd still be sexy."

Huh...That sounded a lot better in his head than it did out loud.

He cleared his throat wishing he had chosen a more romantic compliment and looked at Murdoc sheepishly. "That er...Didn't sound quite right, did it? What I meant was...Yeah, you're beautiful."

The bassist quirked an eyebrow at Stuart's oddly adorable compliment. Despite the mess and the coppery taste in his mouth, the pain had quickly lessened to a dull throb, and soon Murdoc's nose stopped bleeding altogether. He stood up and threw the saturated tubes of toilet roll into the wastebasket. “Well that was exciting.” The bassist grinned, turning to face the other. “Anythin else you wanna do ‘fore I wash up?”

The mention of a shower kindled 2D's interest and he was already struggling to take off his shirt before he'd even give him an answer. "Well, I wouldn't mind joinin' you~" he grinned unbuckling his belt and having his jeans fall in a heap around his ankles. It was so cute how eager and excited he was just to share a shower with his partner.

Murdoc reached out and grabbed 2D’s hands, pursing lips in concern. “What about your bandages?” he asked, doubtfully. He turned the singer around and gently traced his fingers against the cotton wrappings. “They're gonna get all soggy.” Murdoc was worried for the younger man, yes, but he was also afraid to see the wounds again.

2D paused. Fuck, he'd forgotten about the bandages. After a moment of serious consideration, the stars aligned and 2D actually got a clever idea. He clicked his fingers as his eureka moment fully registered to his brain, a cunning smile forming on his face. "I won't be long." He quickly pulled his jeans back up and gave Murdoc a quick peck on the cheek before hurrying out of the bathroom as fast as his legs could carry him.

Murdoc stood there awkwardly, wondering what in the world the singer had in mind to remedy the situation. He shrugged out of his own clothes and paced around the room as the minutes passed by, and soon Murdoc began to worry that the boy had been noticed by one of the other band members.

Just as Murdoc was about to go look for him, 2D came back and stood smugly in the doorway. "Permission to come aboard, Cap'n?" The singer beamed. Murdoc’s lips twitched as he tried to keep a straight face. There stood 2D, wearing- of all things- a black trash bag. Two holes had been cut out for his arms, and one for his head which was currently sporting a proud grin. His back _was_ entirely covered, though.

Murdoc threw an exaggerated salute the singer's way. “Permission granted, First Mate Rubbish.” he cackled. While it wasn't the most flattering get-up in the world, it was definitely a rare stroke of genius on 2D’s part. “I don't ’ know whether to kiss ya or throw you in the bin.” he smirked.

2D laughed and bounded up to the other eagerly, puckering his lips to indicate he preferred the first option. Placing a firm yet loving kiss against the bassist's lips, 2D stepped into the shower and waited for Murdoc to join him, opening his arms wide. "I feel like a sugar glider." he commented looking down at himself, still impressed by his own ingenious idea.

“You  _look_ ridiculous.” Murdoc smiled and stepped into the shower. Standing between the singer and the shower head as he turned the water on, he made sure to take the brunt of the initially freezing spray so Stuart didn't have to.

2D shrugged with a goofy grin. "Well, it's gonna keep my back nice an' dry so if that's ridiculous, then so be it." He giggled.

Once the water heated up to a nice hot temperature, Murdoc turned back around and pulled the singer into his arms, tilting his head up to kiss 2D as the water beat down on them like rain. He wished it could always be like this- calm, peaceful, and achingly sweet. He knew it wouldn't last though, eventually they were going to have to explain themselves to Noodle and Russ, and who knew what would come of that scenario?  
  
This could very well be the calm before the storm. They already knew how Russel felt about their relationship together but what would Noodle's view be on it? Would they have to move out together? Would they be forced apart? These thoughts frightened 2D and he did his best to push them to the back of his mind, just wanting to be in this moment with the man he loved so dearly.

Murdoc curled his tongue against the singer's with a pleasure filled moan. Eager hands kneaded the soft flesh of Stuart's rear, and he hummed a laugh against the other's lips at the loud crinkling of the black bag as it brushed against his arms. He took his time getting them both soaped up and clean, gentle fingers massaging the shampoo into Stuart's hair as he nibbled a hickey on the boy's slender neck. He rocked their hips together lazily, not necessarily looking for the pleasure to go anywhere but just savoring the feeling of his lover pressed against him.

God, 2D loved this man. Loved everything about him; from the way he touched him to the way he snored at night, Murdoc Niccals was 2D's world. Nothing else mattered to him. As long as they were in each other's company, 2D was more than happy. He moaned back into their kiss, sliding his hands up Murdoc's wet body to hook his arms behind his back, gazing at him in complete devotion. Here they were in their own private bubble, basking in each other's love.

 

Until there was a knock at the door.

 

"Who's using the shower? Is that you in there, Murdoc?" The light female voice could only be from one person. 2D froze mid-kiss, his eyes going wide and whitening in horror as he pulled away from Murdoc's mouth, tightening his hold on him. Fuck, this wasn't good…2D bit his lip, his eyes fixed on the door. It wasn't even locked! How could he forget to lock the damn door?! If Noodle came in, they'd be fucked- and not in a pleasant way.

Murdoc went rigid against the singern panic spiking through him for three briefest of moments. He pressed a finger to his lips, a gesture for the other to be silent. “Yeah it’s me.” He called out. “Just needed a quick scrub, you know? Get rid of the grime of the day…” His eyes rolled at the dumb response, cursing his lack improvisational skills. Murdoc couldn't be sure whether or not Russel had spoken to Noodle about his discovery the previous day. He knew they were bound to talk about it sooner or later, but the bassist would've preferred later; when he wasn't holding a black-bag-wrapped 2D in his arms with a flagging erection. “You seen Dents anywhere?” he asked, hoping she'd go with the lie.   
  
"No." she answered in a bored tone. "I was actually looking for him myself to see if he wanted do do something fun." The singer looked at Murdoc from the corner of his eye upon hearing Noodle's words. Murdoc was a very possessive person and he feared it could make him jealous and snap at their guitarist. "Russel hasn't seen him either so I guess he's gone out."

“I’m sure he’ll be back soon, probably just went to get some er...trash bags or something." His mouth twitched into a grin at the private joke, the pair of them struggling to keep their laughter silent.

There was a sudden thud at the door as Noodle pressed her back to it, disappointed that 2D wasn't around to hang out. The singer flapped his arms in a panic from the noise and looked up at Murdoc, terrified.

"Yeah, I'm just bored..." Noodle sighed on the other side of the door.

2D's eyes darted to the window, then to Murdoc, then to the window again, wordlessly telling him what he intended to do. If Noodle wasn't going to leave, there was nothing for it. He would have to sneak out of the window and shimmy down the drain pipe.

Murdoc’s eyes followed the wild white eyes to where 2D was looking, quickly glancing back at the singer and shaking his head ‘no’. Stuart could get hurt. He could slip and fall right off the building if he misstepped. There had to be a better way…..but he couldn't think of one right now, and time was ticking.  
  
The boy turned back to Murdoc and raised his hand to flex his fingers in a 'talking' motion as he nodded towards the door, indicating for Murdoc to keep chatting.  

He gave the singer a thumbs up and continued to talk as the other pulled the shower curtain back and stepped out. “So I listened to the new album, yeah?” he began. “Great stuff, that. The drums, the guitar...vocals. _**B**_ ** _ass_ ** coulda been better but Ace didn't exactly promise his eternal soul to Satan now did he?” the man cackled, continuing to ramble as the singer crept over to the window.

2D pushed open the pane of glass and carefully hoisted himself up and over the windowsill. ‘Easy enough’ he thought before pressing his back to the brick wall. "Gahh!" He'd forgotten about his injured back and slapped a hand over his mouth, hoping Noodle hadn't heard him. It was quite a drop to the ground and if he fell, he'd definitely break something.

Murdoc knocked a nearby bottle of soap off the side of the tub, following it with an over exaggerated string of loud cursing to cover the pained shout 2D had emitted. The singer disappeared from the window, hopefully making his way across the small ledge to his bedroom without incident. “Anyways I just can't wait to take it on tour, you know? Great album...lovely little album.” he counted the seconds, feeling helpless as he waited for the confirmation that had 2D made it safely across.

Noodle seemed pleased to hear that Murdoc approved of the new album and babbled away about how much fun they'd had making it. 2D meanwhile had thankfully made it to his room without too much difficulty and was tearing the trash bag off of himself like a non threatening, albino version of the Hulk. "So yeah, I'd say that The Now Now has been a great success," continued Noodle, having talked for almost five minutes without giving Murdoc much of a chance to answer. "Oh? Oh! It's ok, he's here!" she smiled as 2D walked along the hall as if he hadn't just risked his life, smiling back at the guitarist. The pair's shower together would have to wait for another time as Noodle promptly whisked 2D away to do some clothes shopping.

“Oh, alright. Bye then?….I guess?” He called, throwing his hands up dramatically although no one else could see the gesture. He shut the water off and stepped out of the shower, grimacing at his pruney fingers and toes. “Dammit.”

 

After drying off, Murdoc crept back to his room to get dressed. It had been a close call but he understood 2D’s apprehension, it wasn't exactly something Noodle needed to see. Feeling much more like a regular person after the shower, the bassist made his way downstairs to the living room. Carefully, he peered around the corner of the doorway, a relieved sigh escaping when he saw that Russel wasn't there. The bassist sauntered in and plopped himself down on one of the comfier couches, turning on the telly and relaxing back against the cushions as he looked for something to watch to pass the time.

 

About three hours later, Noodle and 2D returned. She had him carry all of the bags filled with new clothes, shoes, and other fashion accessories and the poor singer looked like he was going to collapse from exhaustion. "I always think it's worth shopping later in the afternoon." she smiled taking some of the bags from him. "It's not as busy so you get all of the bargains to yourself!"

2D grunted in response, too tired to actually give a proper answer as he set the heavy bags down on the floor and straightened back up with a groan. His back crackled and popped like bubble wrap. "I'm er...Gonna have a lie down. My back really hurts." he winced turning to head up the stairs, his legs feeling like lead. 2D hobbled to his room and fell face first on to his bed, a muffled groan of relief coming from him as his achy bones began to settle.

 

Murdoc had gotten to his feet the instant he heard the pair walk in. He pulled himself up off the sofa and walked into the hallway to listen in on their idle conversation, hearing 2D mentioned he was heading to his room. Good. Murdoc would meet him there.

He turned to ascend the stairs.

 

“Murdoc.”

 

The deep rumbling bass of Russel’s voice startled Murdoc, as did the drummer’s massive hand that gripped onto his shoulder and yanked him back into the room just before 2D rounded the stairs and continued up to his room.

Murdoc spun around to face the other, preemptively clenching his fists at his sides in case the man was looking for a fight.

“What do youwant?” he spat.

Russel folded his arms across his chest, clearly unimpressed with the show of bravado. “Me and Noodle’s gonna talk with you for a minute.” he said before pointing at the couch, indicating that the older man should sit. “I figured it would be a good idea to separate y’all so he can't make excuses for your dumb ass. _You're_ the one who’s gotta explain yourself.”

Murdoc scowled at the other and trudged over to the couch, throwing himself down on it with a huff. “50 plus an I gotta explain myself to you lot? Rubbish, if you ask me.” he fumed under his breath.  
  
The guitarist had gone into the kitchen for a quick cup of coffee and returned shortly with the beverage. "What's this all about, Russel?" she asked, sitting down a little way from Murdoc near the end of the sofa. "Is something wrong?" It was very unusual that Noodle was the last to know about a situation. She was always in the loop about what was going on, so Murdoc and 2D had hidden their secret very well.

 

From her, at least.

 

Noodle cast a glance at Murdoc, puzzled why it was just the three of them sitting there without 2D. Whenever they had meetings, every band member attended.

“Go ahead, Murdoc. Tell her.” The drummer said cooly as he settled down on a leather armchair adjacent to the others. Murdoc looked over at Noodle, a sigh escaping as he tried to come up with the right words.

“Er…you see, Stuart and I…” he paused, looking from Noodle to Russel and back. “We’ve known each other for over twenty years, see...and when you spend that much time with someone...for that long...” Murdoc looked down at his hands, nervously twining his fingers together. “You kinda take it for granted...Well,  **I** took it for granted.” Memories of the years of abuse he unleashed on the singer passed through his mind. How many times had he choked the boy unconscious, or busted his face just for smiling at him with that stupid hopeful look in his eyes. “But then I lost him.” he continued, voice becoming tight. “Made me realize what he meant to me. What he _does_ mean to me.” This might be the hardest conversation he's had with the younger band members. “I love him...and I'm pretty sure he loves me too... for some reason.”

Russel scowled at the older man. “For some reason.” he echoed.  
  
Noodle listened to the bassist’s mumbled speech, frowning down at her coffee cup as she tried to process what he was saying. Murdoc and 2D- two men on the opposite ends of the spectrum who had little to _nothing_ in common- were in **love**? She wasn't sure how to feel about that. Slowly, Noodle lifted her gaze to Murdoc, her pretty almond eyes studying him carefully. "I'm sure you'll forgive me if I say I find this very hard to believe." 2D was the most innocent, beautiful, kind-hearted person she knew. His very soul seemed to light up a room whenever he walked in. How on earth could someone like that love someone who had been so cold and cruel to him over the years? It just didn't make sense.

Murdoc understood the guitarist's confusion. Hell, he'd be confused too if he was in her position. The two men couldn't have been more different. One was sweet and pure and kind while the other was the epitome of the word ‘monster’.

“He's good to me, and I want to be good to him...but it's hard. It's so fucking hard.” Murdoc chuckled sadly, tears threatening to gather in the corner of his eyes.

Russel spoke up, gripping the arms of the chair tightly enough that the fabric began to creak in protest. “You're abusing him, but you want what, our blessing? You want us to just pretend like you ain't messed that guy up so bad that maybe, just _maybe_ , he's got it in his head that he ain't got no **choice** in the damn thing?”

Murdoc bowed his head. Russel could very well be right. What if 2D just had Stockholm Syndrome, and he'd been kidnapped and abused so many times that this was just the result of a broken and confused man.   
  
Noodle pursed her lips at Russel's observation. "If you truly love him as much as you say you do, then why are you still hurting him? Haven't you done enough harm to 2D?" This was very unfair with both of them siding against Murdoc in a two on one situation. True, they were only doing what they thought was best for 2D but was it really fair for them to question what was going on if 2D was actually happy?

"20 years is a very long time to be under someone's thumb, Murdoc." Noodle said sternly, frowning at him in disapproval. "Is this really 'love' or is it cruel manipulation? The fact that 2D would do anything to please you because he's _scared_ of you? He's scared of what you'll do to him if he doesn't comply." She narrowed her eyes at him and slammed her cup down on the small table. "Does it make you feel good to have that type of power?"

“No....” Murdoc said, burying his face in his hands. With the way his heart sank at the word he knew he was lying. He _craved_ the rush of arousal-laced adrenaline that coursed through his veins whenever the younger man would submit to him. Even more enthralling were the times he would fight back; so energetic, so full of hope and an inner light that was beautiful to extinguish. “Yes…” His hands dropped to rest on his knees. “Yes it makes me feel good...because it's somethin I didn't have when I was-" he choked on the memory. “-when I was a kid. I like the feeling I get when I can be in control, and it's _so hard_ to break that habit, no matter how much I want to."

The bassist stood up rather abruptly and turned to face Russel. “And you know what? At least I'm fuckin’ trying, and he understands that. I don't care if _you_ do or not.”

The drummer stood as well, bristling at the older man's bold claim. “But _why_ do you do it, man? Why do you still hurt him?”

 

“ **_BECAUSE I FUCKING HATE MYSELF, RUSSEL!_ ** ” Murdoc roared. He lashed out and kicked the coffee table so hard it overturned, sending Noodle’s cup of coffee clattering to the floor. “I **hate** myself so I _hurt_ him….and when I _hurt_ him I just end up _hating_ myself even more.”

It was a vicious circle that would be very hard to break.

Noodle jumped up at Murdoc's explosive outburst, all three of them now on their feet. "It's not safe for 2D to be around you!" she said sternly, glancing at Russel for backup. "One of these days you'll go too far and you'll end up kill-"

 

" **THAT'S ENOUGH** !" The room went deathly quiet as a fourth, unmistakable voice came to the surface. Standing in the doorway, with a face like absolute thunder was 2D. "How _dare_ you...." he hissed looking from Russel to Noodle in disgust as he slowly stepped into the room. "How _dare_ you question our relationship? It's got absolutely _nothin_  tado with either o' you. It's none of your business!"  2D had never been so angry in all his life, he was actually shaking with rage. Noodle stared at 2D, her eyebrows raised so high that they disappeared under her fringe, her mouth hanging open in shocked silence.

Murdoc stared at 2D with fierce adoration in his eyes. There it was, the beautiful rage that slept beneath the singer's calm facade. It frightened him to hear the man he loved so full of anger, but at the same time, it was the most exciting thing the bassist had seen. Stuart's eyes were bright white pools of emotion when he moved to stand in front of him, putting himself between the bassist and the condemning words of their bandmates. It was like a Jekyll and Hyde scenario the way 2D could go from being a sweet, gentle soul to a vicious, anger-filled creature when something really pissed him off.

Murdoc placed his hand in Stuart's and moved to stand beside the singer. “It's not perfect, but we’re not going to give up on each other.”

Russel was silent, looking from Murdoc to 2D then down at their interlocked hands. There was nothing else he could say that would change either of the men's minds, he knew. With a final disdainful glare the drummer walked out, disappearing down the hall to silently fume in private.  
  
Stuart glared at Russel as he left the room, the back of his azure hair bristling with the high emotions he was feeling. Noodle opened her mouth to say something, only to be shut down by a quick snap of 2D's head as he glowered at her, just _daring_ her to to speak her mind. The singer really was very intimidating like this. A tall, wiry man with shocking blue hair, a scowl that really didn't suit him and those piercing white eyes that burned right into you, almost capable of turning one to stone.

Noodle looked away from his harsh glare to Murdoc for a few seconds before she too strode out of the room without a word, leaving the two men alone.

 

As the room fell silent once again, Murdoc released a shaky breath, clearly rattled by the conflict. “You didn't have to do that, you know.” The bassist rumbled. 2D eyes narrowed, what had just happened still fresh in his mind. He watched Murdoc move to stand in front of him, his expression softening almost instantly as he felt Murdoc's warm hands cup his cheeks.

“I'm glad you did, though.” Standing slightly on his toes, Murdoc kissed the singer's forehead, trying to soothe the all too familiar emotions he knew the other was experiencing. The anger, the frustration, the pain...all warring for the forefront of his mind. “You alrigh, luv?” he asked, ignoring his own racing thoughts that swarmed and buzzed in his brain like angry hornets.

Stuart's eyes faded back to their usual black tone as the bassist spoke to him, his deep gravelly voice soothing the anger in his heart. "Yeah...I-I think so." he answered with an anxious look in his eyes before pulling his partner into a tight hug. "I came down to get a drink of water and I heard you all talking and..." He stopped to heave a great sigh, rubbing Murdoc's back and closing his eyes. "I-I couldn't let 'em attack yew like that. I just couldn't walk away while they had yew in a corner." He opened his eyes and frowned, tightening his hold on him as he became annoyed again. "No one's gonna tell us how to live..."

Murdoc let out a low purr, a strange rumbling sound of consoling and comfort as the singer embraced him. Carefully slipping his own arms low around 2D’s waist, the older man listened quietly as 2D spoke. He hated that the other had to hear the terrible things Russel and Noodle said, no matter how true they may or may not have been. How he loved this man- so capable of compassion and forgiveness for his bassist... Murdoc smiled- a dark little quirk of the lips at the possessive grip of the arms around him. “No, they won't.” He said. “We don't need their approval...do we, Dents?” The verdant-skinned Satanist pressed a kiss to Stuart's cheek.

Noodle’s words echoed darkly in his mind, ‘One of these days you'll go too far, and you'll end up killing him.’ He wished more than anything that it wasn't true. “We don't need anybody but each other.”

2D took great comfort in the low growls and rumbles that came from Murdoc as he held him close. He could feel them vibrate through his own chest. The boy shook his head defiantly, Murdoc's words fuelling the fire still within him before the kiss to his cheek calmed him again. "No...No we don't!" he answered nuzzling his cheek lovingly against his bassist's, basking in his love and attention. "Y-You're my whole life...If I didn't have you, I...I..." 2D lifted his head and looked back at his lover, his eyes becoming moist at the very thought of losing him. "I can't lose you. Fuck what they think, I'm not gonna give you up for anything!"

Murdoc's heart sank at the tearful words of the singer. He knew 2D loved him, but the genuine pain and heartache in his voice as he shared his fears was almost unbearable to the older man. “You won't lose me, luv.” he assured him, pressing a soft kiss to those trembling lips.

Doing his best to blink back his tears, 2D leaned into the light kiss he received from Murdoc, his hand coming up to wipe his eyes. 2D didn't like crying in front of people. It was a perfectly natural human emotion yet it made him feel pathetic and weak. He tried to act stoic and take things on the chin but he was a sensitive creature. Not that that was a bad thing, of course.

This whole time Murdoc had been afraid of how the other band members would take the news, and although they ended up reacting in one of the worst ways possible it was over quick; like ripping off a bandaid. “Russ and Noodle will get used to it eventually.” Murdoc smiled, bringing his hand up to the back of 2D’s neck.

Stuart looked so beautiful when he cried, those endless black eyes shimmering with tears as his lip quivered. Murdoc hated how much it aroused him despite his discomfort at the singer's troubled thoughts. He slid his hands down to grip the boy's bony hips with a growl. 2D looked back at him, those black orbs gazing at him in adoration as Murdoc's hands moved to hold his hips, looking like they were about to slow dance to a cheesy love song.

Unfortunately for the bassist's libido, just as Murdoc was about to ask if the other wanted to take this little intimate moment of theirs upstairs, his stomach let out a loud rumbling growl. When was the last time he'd eaten anything? A day- maybe two? He looked back at the singer, face flushing hotly at how badly he wanted to continue just kissing the other. “Fuck....” He pursed his lips in frustration. “You wanna go get some dinner?” he finally asked, trying to ignore the word ‘date’ flashing in bold letters in the back of his mind.

Stuart beamed, leaning in to give the other a quick peck on the lips, just happy to be in Murdoc's company. “I'd love to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lull in chapters. I've been having a hard time getting motivated to post, and I'm worried about disappointing you guys with the direction I decided to take in this story's next chapters. 
> 
> I'll get over it, just figured I'd share why it's been a while. :/


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